wrenpaw

[Jori]

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[bg=fffff6] NAME || wrenpaw GENDER || she-cat AGE || nine moons RANK || apprentice CLAN || fogclan --- PARENTS || grebeflower || brown tabby she-cat with amber eyes (NPC) frostfang || white tom with green eyes (NPC) SIBLINGS || unnamedkit || white tom, deceased sablekit || dark brown tabby tom, deceased heatherpaw || white she-cat with amber eyes (NPC) maplekit || light brown tom with green eyes (NPC) KIN || unknown MATE || not yet CRUSH || not yet KITS || not yet MENTOR || not yet --- BELIEFS || When she emerged from the nursery, Wrenpaw was enchanted with the thought of StarClan. Her first impressions were good ones - valuable warriors, wonderful kin, one day they would all rejoin them. Ever since that first introduction, however, Wrenpaw's faith in them has waived. Now, she views it as a way to keep cats in line; and quite ironically, the mere mention of StarClan by a higher ranking is a cause for her to straighten up and clear her throat. She does not believe in StarClan, and though she tells her fellow apprentice that she does not believe in them, she is fiercely confused about her ideas. She doesn't believe in a StarClan as is presented to her; a group of starry cats that condemn any feline to the Dark Forest if they so much as sneak a bite of prey before the rest come, a group of cats who condemn others based on which clan they are put in. However, she does have an inkling of spirituality related to nature and the animals that exist within it, feeling more emotion when faced with the birds and plants more than she does when she thinks of a group of starry cats who are, quite frankly, jerks. APPEARANCE || Wrenpaw takes on the look of “fragile apprentice”, which helps her get through those conversations with frightening older warriors. With large eyes and a tiny body, she manages to fit perfectly in line with her “weakling” stereotypes when met with a warrior she is unfamiliar with. Her tiny body is matched to a StreamClanners, though it has been proven she is no half-clanner, and she gets flack for it. Barely any muscle flares under her pelt, and her forelegs are the ones that hold any muscle at all. Her eyes are a soft pale amber, bordering on the edge of green. Only when she is passionate do her eyes light up and show emotion – otherwise they are full of fear or devoid of emotion. Her fur is short and a delicate brown tabby. PERSONALITY || To anyone who has known her for long enough, it is clear that Wrenpaw presents two different faces to the outside world: one before cats she feels comfortable with, and another with cats she is not. Some may call her behavior “two-faced”, “dishonest”, or “sly”, but the truth is, she’s simply frightened. Ever since her brother’s run-in with a council member, Wrenpaw has grown keener on self preservation, preferring to hide within her shell when council members come close rather than be a well behaved feline. She is stuck between her siblings two extremes; her sister’s laconic and blunt wording, and her brother’s incessant rambling about whatever happens to be on his mind. With Wrenpaw, she hides her talkative side for those who aren’t seen as posing a threat to her (though it can be said that she judges a book by its cover and once she’s made up her mind, she can be all too trusting) and she saves her nervous, stuttering self for those who might have a bone to pick with her. For those warriors who haven’t been too observant of Wrenpaw in the past, she may appear to be a bit high strung, always staggering over herself to prove herself loyal to StarClan. She isn’t too eager of physical punishments, and while she might be part of a small rebellion, chances are if she was ever caught she would deny, deny, deny. She may not believe in a heavenly group of cats, but she is fully aware that sometimes actions can bear consequences, and this action all too risky. Thus, in front of a council member or an older warrior (even if that warrior claims to be anti-StarClan) she will gladly recite tales of StarClan lifting whole clans into their starry skies. If speaking with an apprentice and approached by an older warrior, her personality will go through a paradigm shift and she may become defensive, skittish, or eager to follow orders of the warrior in question. When with those that she trusts (younger apprentices, and other warriors that have managed to pass her book-judging test) she fails to be frightened. When with younger apprentices she can freely talk about her doubts and beliefs and never expect more – unless said child reports her in to a higher rank. Even with those who are somewhat StarClan enlightened she doesn’t back down, unless she is given a cold warning (which should shut her up). Her weakness truly lies in this book judging, though a cat has yet to exploit her trust so far into the game. Yet. When around those she feels deserve a significant amount of trust, Wrenpaw’s personality blossoms – no more anxious stutter, no more frenzied eyes flicking back and forth. In the absence of authority, she seems normal, friendly, and enthusiastic to socialize; qualities that she tries to erase from the palate whenever a council member is near. In another world, she might have been the perfect medicine cat – gentle, patient, and submissive. For Wrenpaw, being on top is a dreadful thing to be detested; those who make it to a more assertive position are even less likely to be loved than if they were a simple cat going about their days. Though she may be labeled “lazy”, she simply tries avoiding arguments. Because of her naturally affectionate nature, she has a hard time arguing about any belief because hey; it’s a belief. She doesn’t have the energy or time between training sessions and running herself ragged to battle against those higher above her. SKILLS || Wrenpaw is a skilled hunter, mostly through her own endless drilling of hunting practices that she has undertaken to avoid a run-in like her brother had. She constantly pushes herself to hunt more and more, and though she sometimes misses her prey, she is excellent at tracking them down. Among her three siblings, she is the best at finding prey. She is not a very skilled fighter, though, and it shows. The thought of harming another cat is appalling to her (part of the reason she finds corporal punishment appalling and another reason to doubt StarClan). She is very small, so she isn’t one to take on border patrols for brute strength, but rather when you are looking for a cat to encounter the scent of a trespasser. HISTORY || Grebeflower and Frostfang were certainly meant to be a couple from the day they met. Both nursery-mates, Frostkit watched in awe as Grebekit learned to walk, open her eyes, and eventually speak as if she had been born with the ability. It was no surprise when, after all that lingering, little Grebekit began to follow around Frostkit, who took the attention in stride and easily adapted as if Grebekit had been born to fangirl about him. It wasn’t a surprise, either, that as soon as Grebekit escaped the confines of the nursery, she preferred to spend her days following around the tom. Even as their personalities twisted and curled, the affection remained the same – for Grebekit, that was. Grebeflower, even as a young warrior, was taken by passion and Frostfang his own sort of passion (the passion dedicated to his Clan and StarClan) and of course they meshed enough that Grebeflower was soon swollen with kits, even at the delicate age of twenty moons. Frostfang, as was his duty, watched over his queen with the care a father should, but never more, and when she went into the nursery, he left well enough alone, devoting his time and energy to StarClan and the clan in general. It was this time in the nursery that Grebeflower realized that his love was merely pity; however, she never grew sad from it – she would love their kits and continue to love him, even as his heart slowly revealed to be more dedicated to StarClan than his mate. It wasn’t long before Grebeflower gave birth to her children – she was carrying five kittens, though at birth one was badly malformed and quickly died. She watched over her remaining four kittens carefully, naming them Heatherkit, Sablekit, Wrenkit, and Maplekit. These four children grew larger and faster than the queen thought was capable of kittens, though she quickly noticed a flaw in one of her young sons. Sablekit, one of the kittens who seemed larger and more likely to survive, was found to be deaf. Unable to watch over this kitten who would eventually die with no understanding of the warrior world, she left him to the medicine cat, who could only watch him live out the rest of his days as he slowly died from other immune difficulties. Having lost two of her kittens, the queen nourished and loved her kittens as if StarClan had blessed them themselves. As was the norm for kittens, Wrenkit and her siblings were born entirely free of intervention by StarClan. The word was never uttered save quiet whispers passed between her mother and the other queens, and even as Maplekit relentlessly bothered their mother, she would not tell the trio what this illusive StarClan was. Grebeflower was cautiously devoted to the current “leader” of the clan, and though she didn’t believe in all he said, she was not willing to risk punishment for tainting the minds of her kittens. The kittens eventually developed wanderlust, longingly gazing out of the nursery. The days in the last two moons passed by sluggishly – they could no longer keep themselves entertained by rolling mossballs or wrestling in the cramped den. When they left,Wrenkit couldn’t have been happier. Her happiness, however, was short-lived. Her training began with the mention of a force called “StarClan” that watched over all of FogClan’s actions. Though she quietly accepted the thought of a somebody watching over her as she walked, she didn’t quite get it. As she moved forward in moons, she understood even less. She met with her father, who told her ominous stories of StarClan damning the other clans, and how they would only preserve FogClan if they continued to remain pure. Though Wrenpaw never spoke out about her middleground position on StarClan, never feeling the urge to do so, her brother was not as wise. Maplepaw was always known as the dumbest out of the surviving trio, but Wrenpaw and Heatherpaw never quite imagined that their brother would go this far. Their mentors had never asked them if they had believed in StarClan, and neither sister would shout their answers to the stars, but Maplepaw took things to a whole new level. Traipsing into camp as was his norm, he proclaimed in the middle of the camp, “I think StarClan is a load of fox-dung!” to a nearby apprentice who had asked him his opinion. As per the norm, a council member was always waiting. He was mercilessly scratched across the face, right in the presence of half the members of the clan, and just as quickly was dealt with. In that moment Wrenpaw knew that StarClan didn’t exist – but she also knew that she had to keep her mouth shut. She became more and more nervous in the face of Warriors, though rarely changing suit once she was only around apprentices. --- CRITIQUE LEVEL || criticize all aspects of my character

[Glowy]

Hey there! Wonderful job on your first bio. I'm impressed! c:
Just so you know, here at Fof we aim to help our members improve their skills with every bio they make. This can include anything from asking for more detail in a certain area of the bio to clarifying a few inconsistencies in the character's history. Please don't grow offended if we ask you to change something in your bio. We've all had to go through it at some point or another (myself quite a bit, in fact), and it's all part of the process of growing as writers.

That being said, I'll get right to it! :3

Personality:
I'd like to see you go more in depth here about Wrenpaw's actual personality. You touch on it, I feel, but I can also tell that you're capable of a more in-depth analysis than the one given. You've given one or two basic attributes: she acts differently according to who she is with, and she is motherly and kind. I want to know why she acts differently around warriors. Is it the result of an instinct for self-preservation, a response of fear, or was she taught to do this by, say, her mother?
I realize that it may simply be a result of your writing style, but it is difficult for me to analyze her character based on this section of her bio. I have to hunt to find information. It's either hidden or extremely condensed, like a soup when it could be separated and made into a full multiple-course meal. You mention basic things without going into much detail about them. It's alright for you to take some time and explain the attributes of her personality individually before moving on to the next one.
I apologize for the lengthiness of my explanations. I'm a bit sleep deprived at the moment. Long story short, what I would really love to see in her personality section is more flesh. It needs more substance instead of being a mere list of her attributes. Actually, this section is more like a list of her actions than anything else. I want you to dig deep down there and unearth the motives behind her actions, good, bad, and ugly, and expose them all! That's really all that this bio needs as far as I can see.

Truly, you've done a marvelous job. I can't wait to see the changes you make! You're an accomplished writer, I can tell, and I'm excited to get to rp with you. :3

[Jori]

hrrrngh. it's so hard to create an in-depth personality for a relatively normal cat, but I've tried > < If this still isn't acceptable, could you mind listing out some specific questions to help direct me?

[Glowy]

I'm very pleased with the changes you've made! Excellent, Jori! Wrenpaw is now accepted and you can begin role playing with her. c:

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