Post by raiimi on Apr 22, 2021 0:38:41 GMT -10
this is so weird.
i went down a weird memory rabbit hole tonight. first it was remembering the old justin.tv days with the vinesauce crew back when it was still vinesaucevidya. then remembering another streaming group that was popular at the time with the same type of content (but more "edgy.") i saw that their website was still active, names that i had forgotten for years still chatting to each other in a public view chatbox, like we all once did before. in fact, that's what reminded me of FoF.
i probably have some explaining, i guess. and introducing actual me. and catching you guys up on actual me if anyone is interested. and this ham-fisted apology in this sentence right here because i'm not too good at those. i always hoped that maybe yall knew i was full of shit but was playing along for me.
it's weird to think about 12 years ago. i guess now i'm a lot more comfortable with myself. at the time, i would have been probably just turning 13, or 14 judging by when the original FoF proboards was created. the mid to late 2000s was a confusing time for me. long story short, i was going through a very fun gender crisis and that mixed with feeling very intimidated with probably being the youngest and not understanding how socializing works, the spookiness of giving out personal information, etc things snowballed real quick. i didnt mean for anything wacky like this to happen? i just could never find a good time to be like "uh hey guys". the fear of being shunned, losing friends was a little too much. when i quickly realized how much younger i was, i quickly tried to find a family friend of mine who could match who i wanted to be visually.
in a way, looking back, i guess that was a mix of who i wanted to be and who i was. time to attempt to reintroduce myself.
i go by a new name now. if you google hard enough, you can probably have an idea of the online crowd i attached myself to not too long after we all started to drift. i have a great new circle of friends, we've all known each other for about 10 years now. hell, 5 of us hung out last october for a week covid be damned. i have a very small, in real life personal friend group which we have named a throuple. just 3 of us and when we hang out it's like a weird platonic poly thing.
i'm 26 now, 27 in october. ive found my cog spot in this world, working as a manager at a pretty expensive but weirdly popular nationwide "fast casual" chain. dropped out of high school at 16 to pursue the shut in life til i got my shit together at 20, a year before i found that previously mentioned cog spot. i moved from texas to an expensive, shitty state in the east coast when i was 21 because when you're young and dumb, you do dumb things for relationships. my current final destination is to keep moving up til i get to buffalo (i joke telling people that i am trading one border for another, but i'm still doing dumb things because i've been simping for someone for 10 years now.) i still enjoy the occasional ska punk, thrash metal, indie alt music, my current focus being GWAR again.
going back to the gender identity crisis, at the time i just really wanted to be male. the aesthetic i craved, the weird easiness that guys had with life that i couldn't quite figure out. i hated the idea of being female. as i got older, i somewhat grew out of that mindset. i'm pretty alright with it now? i mean of course life still feels like everyone got a dumb manual on how to function and i didnt and im having to constantly take notes and apply that to the next time that situation happens again. but i'm less self hating, more cool with myself, okay with dressing or looking like whatever even if i look retarded.
here's that ham-fisted apology again. sorry for being a little shit and lying about me. i was scared and nervous and confused. i am not so much anymore. if yall want to catch up with the actual raimi/jaimie/pri you can find me on discord Pri#1836. here are some random snapshots from life that i took, friends took, etc within the past couple years plus a tattoo i got when i was 19 lol. imgur.com/a/yAPvmBv
i went down a weird memory rabbit hole tonight. first it was remembering the old justin.tv days with the vinesauce crew back when it was still vinesaucevidya. then remembering another streaming group that was popular at the time with the same type of content (but more "edgy.") i saw that their website was still active, names that i had forgotten for years still chatting to each other in a public view chatbox, like we all once did before. in fact, that's what reminded me of FoF.
i probably have some explaining, i guess. and introducing actual me. and catching you guys up on actual me if anyone is interested. and this ham-fisted apology in this sentence right here because i'm not too good at those. i always hoped that maybe yall knew i was full of shit but was playing along for me.
it's weird to think about 12 years ago. i guess now i'm a lot more comfortable with myself. at the time, i would have been probably just turning 13, or 14 judging by when the original FoF proboards was created. the mid to late 2000s was a confusing time for me. long story short, i was going through a very fun gender crisis and that mixed with feeling very intimidated with probably being the youngest and not understanding how socializing works, the spookiness of giving out personal information, etc things snowballed real quick. i didnt mean for anything wacky like this to happen? i just could never find a good time to be like "uh hey guys". the fear of being shunned, losing friends was a little too much. when i quickly realized how much younger i was, i quickly tried to find a family friend of mine who could match who i wanted to be visually.
in a way, looking back, i guess that was a mix of who i wanted to be and who i was. time to attempt to reintroduce myself.
i go by a new name now. if you google hard enough, you can probably have an idea of the online crowd i attached myself to not too long after we all started to drift. i have a great new circle of friends, we've all known each other for about 10 years now. hell, 5 of us hung out last october for a week covid be damned. i have a very small, in real life personal friend group which we have named a throuple. just 3 of us and when we hang out it's like a weird platonic poly thing.
i'm 26 now, 27 in october. ive found my cog spot in this world, working as a manager at a pretty expensive but weirdly popular nationwide "fast casual" chain. dropped out of high school at 16 to pursue the shut in life til i got my shit together at 20, a year before i found that previously mentioned cog spot. i moved from texas to an expensive, shitty state in the east coast when i was 21 because when you're young and dumb, you do dumb things for relationships. my current final destination is to keep moving up til i get to buffalo (i joke telling people that i am trading one border for another, but i'm still doing dumb things because i've been simping for someone for 10 years now.) i still enjoy the occasional ska punk, thrash metal, indie alt music, my current focus being GWAR again.
going back to the gender identity crisis, at the time i just really wanted to be male. the aesthetic i craved, the weird easiness that guys had with life that i couldn't quite figure out. i hated the idea of being female. as i got older, i somewhat grew out of that mindset. i'm pretty alright with it now? i mean of course life still feels like everyone got a dumb manual on how to function and i didnt and im having to constantly take notes and apply that to the next time that situation happens again. but i'm less self hating, more cool with myself, okay with dressing or looking like whatever even if i look retarded.
here's that ham-fisted apology again. sorry for being a little shit and lying about me. i was scared and nervous and confused. i am not so much anymore. if yall want to catch up with the actual raimi/jaimie/pri you can find me on discord Pri#1836. here are some random snapshots from life that i took, friends took, etc within the past couple years plus a tattoo i got when i was 19 lol. imgur.com/a/yAPvmBv