[what am i?] Oakpaw [what am i really?]

[kiddo]

[glow=black,1,300]Name[/glow] | Oakpaw

[glow=black,1,300]Gender[/glow] | tom

[glow=black,1,300]Age[/glow] | 7 moons

[glow=black,1,300]Rank[/glow] | apprentice

[glow=black,1,300]Clan[/glow] | Fog

[glow=black,1,300]Beliefs [/glow] | Oakpaw believes in Starclan, of course he does! Doesn't he? Well, maybe he's not so sure what that means. He's never felt them influencing his life, so he's not sure what to think. Is there something wrong with him? Do they really care for the clan? Are they really there at all? He wants to believe, so much he wants to believe, and he thinks that he does, but he's terrified of the Test of Faith, what if he isn't strong enough?

[glow=black,1,300]Parents[/glow] | Dawntail (mother, not played) Mudnose (father, not played)

[glow=black,1,300]Siblings[/glow] | Dapplepaw (sister, maybe played) and Brambletail (brother, deceased)

[glow=black,1,300]Other Kin[/glow] | none

[glow=black,1,300]Mate[/glow] | not yet

[glow=black,1,300]Crush[/glow] | not yet

[glow=black,1,300]Kits[/glow] | not yet

[glow=black,1,300]Apprentice/Mentor[/glow] | not known yet

[glow=black,1,300]Appearance[/glow] | Oakpaw is a bit shrimpy. He still hasn't hit his full potential, whatever that would be. He's small and thin, with a nice long tail that always seems to get under other cats paws (and his own rather too-large ones). He is a dark brown tabby with yellow-green eyes that are usually a bit worried and tired (maybe he should sleep more and pray less? No! he can't spare the time). His claws are oddly small when they slide out of his clumsy paws.

[glow=black,1,300]Personality[/glow] | While he does a good job pretending otherwise, Oakpaw is insecure about almost everything except his appearance, and even then, that's only because he doesn't give himself time to think about it. Too much of his life is lived inside his own head. What if this happened? Would this affect me if I were different? What is that supposed to mean? He second guesses everything, even his own thoughts. He tries to plan out everything, how his clanmates would react, how he would (or should?) respond, but nothing ever goes the way he wants, so he is constantly scrambling to correct himself. Sometimes all this turmoil in his head breaks through the shell he built for himself and he stammers. Does this set him apart as a freak? He feels that he should belong, but he isn't sure he actually does.

[glow=black,1,300]Skills[/glow] | Oakpaw loves the hunt, but not for the silent forest and the satisfaction of success. The silence does not extend to his mind. Crouching to spring, his mind fills with distracting thoughts. He would rather chase rabbits. The thrill of the chase clears his mind, so the farther the chase, the better. Unfortunately, his combat skills are not up to scratch, and he often pays the price during training sessions.

[glow=black,1,300]History[/glow] |
Oakpaw was born in the clan, a normal kit with a normal life. His older brother Brambletail often came to play with him and his sister, then called Dapplekit, and told them stories of the power of Starclan, even as they grew older. He was utterly devoted. When Oakpaw was 4 moons old, Brambletail was suddenly demoted to apprentice for "insuboordination and doubting our gracious ancestors, Starclan." Brambletail went through the training again very quickly and soon was once again up for the Test of Faith. Oakpaw never heard exactly what happened, but Brambletail never returned. He heard several stories about an attack from Pineclan, but he also heard rumors about "lack of faith" or "rebelliousness." From that day on, Oakpaw has been nervous. Brambletail was so strong, if he lost faith, anyone could. Maybe Oakpaw wasn't as strong as he thought he was. He is also terrified that someone will find out about his doubts. Doubts he isn't sure he has.

[glow=black,1,300]Critique level[/glow] | Criticise all aspects of my character, I want to remember how to do this right.

[Rolo]

Right, I've checked this and lost the progress 3 times and lost the post >.> So I'll be brief this time. It's a good bio, but there are things you need to expand for it to reach it's full potential

Beliefs
Since he lives in Fogclan, what does he think of the Fogclan regime?

Personality
A good start, but you need to add a lot more traits. Currently, we know a lot about his insecurity, but not a lot else. How does he act around other cats? What is his outward personality?

History
You need to expand this and give it more detail. Since he was born under the Fogclan regime, his kithood would be far from normal. Volepelt has recently started a new procedure for kit raising, with kit's being isolated from the clan and with cats other than the queens and the leader unable to enter the birth den. So, whatever his age, he will have been isolated from other cats for some of it. If you can make him a tad older, you could claim that he was raised normally til 4 moons before being isolated, meaning the Brambletail can still be a part of the story. However, this aside, you need to describe his conscious kithood and the time he finally emerged from the den and gained a mentor. If you need any help on this, PM me and I'll try and help you through it :3