Post by Glowy on Oct 9, 2011 14:55:07 GMT -10
FogClan wasn’t sure what to think. Dovenose’s belly was swelling up. When asked, she said nothing. Then, could anybody really expect her to explain herself to them? Explaining, in FogClan, was a punishment, a sign that you had done something wrong. To stand before your clanmates and explain your actions was torturous. As an apprentice, Dovenose had been forced to do so a few times before... other methods of punishment had been introduced by Mistpelt and her gang. But, her past, at least THAT part of it, was not important. Everybody wanted to know what had happened to her a moon-and-a-half ago, on the night that she hadn’t come back from her evening patrol.
They would find out in due course. Everything has its own time, and some things reveal themselves whether an explanation is given or not.
Dovenose sighed away another wave of eager questions by another eager apprentice. Honestly, if her clanmates couldn’t figure it out by now, they didn’t deserve to know until it was made obvious by the sudden appearance of squeals and mewlings in the currently unused Nursery. Yes, my friends, Dovenose was going to be a mother. Whether she would be proud or not remained to be seen. However, no supportive tom sat by her side. She had nobody to lean up against, and no possible explanation for her state of being. She just... was, all of a sudden, and that puzzled her clanmates exceedingly.
Sometimes she regretted what she had done. It was further tarnishing her already rusty reputation, and only succeeded in isolating her even more from the cats she lived with. There was one good thing about it, though: the Council would think twice about harming a pregnant she-cat, to protect the innocent un-borns. So mostly she didn’t mind being the way she was. It had been right, what she’d done.
No doubt you will be wanting some sort of explanation. I believe you’re safe, so I’ll tell you. You’re of the trustworthy sort, and won’t spread this information to the wrong ears... or any, for that matter.
Dovenose had recently been given her Warrior name, and wasn’t enjoying her life much more than she had as an apprentice. FogClan was as draining as ever. She did her duty by her clan, and that kept her safe, for the most part, but without Volepelt’s protection, she was worried for her safety. He had kept her below the Council’s radar, for which she was eternally grateful, but now... she would have to rely on herself and not her mentor’s reputation to keep her out of trouble. So most of the time she stayed out of everybody’s way, hunting and patrolling by herself, or with one other cat, at the most. Solitary night-time patrols were not uncommon for her, and she enjoyed her rambles under the stars.
This one was no different; she smiled as she padded along, tail swishing, thoroughly enjoying the bite of the crisp Leaf-Bare air. It was less pronounced than it was in the deeper Leaf-Bare months, as the season was nearing its end, so the cold nipped rather than burned. It was a very pleasant feeling, and she reveled in it in her solitude. Something was different about this particular walk, though. Perhaps it was the way her fur stood on end without reason, or the overwhelming silence that ruled the earth. The only noise was that of her breathing, heartbeat, and paws as she walked forward without purpose. A leaf could have fallen in the forest and she would have heard.
As per usual, she scented the trouble before she heard it. She hadn’t been named DoveNOSE for nothing! The bushes near the border between FogClan and the Wild kept her hidden as she searched for the source of the scents- yes, there were two, distinctly male and female. As she drew closer, she began to pick out words amongst the growls, hisses, and screeches, and she didn’t like any of them. Oh, the things the tom said made her blood run icy through her veins. And the she-cat, so young... so very young, and so innocent. Once she got a clear view of the scene, it was plain to see that the she-cat wouldn’t be able to keep up her protests for very much longer. She was weaker and smaller. Dovenose had to suppress the urge to vomit. She had no desire to witness what she was about to.
The cats did not see her crouched there in the bushes, but the little she-cat ended up turning to face her, purely by chance. The terror on her face... it was unlike anything Dovenose had ever seen. That tom was about to ruin that child’s life forever, and for what? Domination? She squeezed her eyes shut as his claws found small, tender shoulders, winced when she heard his menacing laugh, and turned her back to the scene. If she didn’t see it, she wouldn’t be held responsible. StarClan couldn’t hold her accountable if she didn’t see it.
The she-cat’s cry of pain (from the claws, nothing else... yet) snapped her eyes open. Dovenose would not allow that tom to ruin that she-cat’s life! He might be a hulking dark-furred brute, but she was a Warrior, and it was her duty to protect the innocents, whether they be members of her Clan or not! So she bolted out of the bushed and barrelled straight into the monster’s side. Her speed and the element of surprise knocked him clean off of the smaller she-cat, who looked at Dovenose with an expression of mixed admiration and fear.
“Go. Go!” Dovenose hissed, struggling to keep the tom on the ground long enough for the she-cat to get a lead. Innocence needed no second order, and sprinted away as fast as her injured legs and sore body would carry her. The tom wrestled his way out from under Dovenose’s grasp, yellow eyes burning with anger and indignation.
“If you want somebody, take me,” she spat. “She’s too far ahead now; you’d never catch up.” Her eyes smoldered, challenged as he glanced at her, then to the retreating form of his original design, then back to the white she-cat who had so rudely interrupted his sport. It would be a joy to break this one... so he smirked and advanced, anticipating nothing less than complete submission in the end.
All Dovenose could think was how she deserved what was coming to her, and how maybe StarClan would be pleased that she’d rescued that other she-cat from this fate. She deserved it more than the stranger ever could. They parted with the seeds of life planted in Dovenose’s body, and the scars of shame searing the tom’s face.
So there you have it. Dovenose allowed her innocence to be ruined to prevent the stranger from suffering the same thing. A noble gesture, to be sure, but Dovenose had wanted to redeem herself with her actions as much, possibly even more, than she had wanted to save the other she-cat. StarClan knows that if anybody needed redemption, or deserved pain, it was her.
The moons of her pregnancy passed relatively uneventfully. She found herself wondering what sort of mother she would make, and whether she would be able to feel anything for her children except pity. The tiny flutterings of tiny paws warmed her heart, but she felt doubt above all else. Would she be able to protect her children from the judgment of the clan, if no tom stepped forward to claim them as his own? Would they love her? Would she love them? How would they grow up? What would she teach them? Terror gripped her heart when the first pains gripped her body. She wasn’t ready. If a mother is unsure of her love, does she deserve her children?
An apprentice or two poked their curious heads in (bless their little hearts!) to see what all the fuss was about, then dashed off to fetch Brightnose. She arrived calm as always, and Dovenose was glad for her level-headed presence. She could trust Brightnose with her kits. The delivery was speedy, for which she was also glad. They practically pushed their way into the world! Or... he did. The lone kit who survived. The other two... nothing would bring them back. No amount of licking or praying to StarClan or wailing could wake them from their sleep. Dovenose closed her eyes and laid her head down, exhausted in more ways than one.
“I’ll leave you now,” Brightnose murmured, giving Dovenose’s ear an encouraging lick. She said something about calling if she needed anything, to which Dovenose gave a half-hearted nod. One kit. One child, after all her effort, after all the alienation she had suffered for her secret... one was all that remained. It was disappointing, to be sure. She felt her Hope sinking and gave a heavy sigh. Had she done something wrong to deserve losing two of her children, eight of the twelve paws that had tumbled and pushed around in her body? A loud, confused mewl startled her out of her thoughts, and she at last turned to face her survivor- a fighter, to be sure, if he’d survived.
Her heart melted. The fur was gray. Oh, her heart melted and pooled across the floor of the nursery to wash her child in her love. All doubt vanished as she wrapped her tail around his tiny little body, drawing him close to hers and curling around him, just as she had done with her best friend before he’d left to join StarClan. “Welcome to the world, Willowkit,” she whispered, smiling. He would approve. She knew he would.