Post by Glowy on Jun 28, 2011 9:51:38 GMT -10
Twilight breathed magic into the world- of this Rainpaw was certain. The chilly sunset painted the mountains before him and the clouds above them. Behind him the moon was rising, a mere crescent in the vastness of the sky, and below it and to the left was a single unblinking star staring down at him. A few moons ago that star would have meant the world to him, but no more. The warmth and romanticism that had touched it before no longer gripped his heart. Yes, Reader, as you may have guessed, that star was the very same one that he and Analucia made their promises under. On his journey it had been a symbol of hope- if he just kept going a little farther, maybe he could relive the past. But now it just smiled coldly down at him, and he was fine with that. Yes, he even welcomed the cold. It helped him concentrate on the warm intensity of the horizon, that ever-present unknown that was his future.
He did not turn around to face the star, for he knew if he did he would be tempted to let the cold rule his life again. He must be powerful enough to resurrect the past. But experience told him otherwise. His memories were protected by a film, almost like ice, that was so very very thin but oh so cold, and if he pressed himself up against it for too long in an attempt to melt the barrier it would just freeze him instead. He was powerless as far as that went, and he refused to be borne back ceaselessly against the tides of time. He would allow himself to learn from the past, yes, but he was done trying to bring it back.
Up ahead there was a layer of clouds, pink, that looked like little wispy scallop shells in the sky. They added a strange beauty to the sunset that he had never witnessed before, a beauty that pierced his heart and made his breath catch in his chest.
He turned to mention it to Gingerstar and found his heart being pierced yet again. She was absolutely radiant in the warm light. It was reflecting off of all the snow and ice, and as she stared ahead her eyes sparkled as the world did. It was like something had taken her clouds away and her true form was finally shimmering through. The result was almost blinding. She herself seemed to be warmth incarnate. He wondered sulkily what he must look like. Probably like his body was trying to convert itself to color but it was failing because he was gray. He couldn't look anything at all like his Freckles. The very earth seemed insufficient for her in this moment. He wondered what she was thinking of.
"Wow," he breathed, but caught himself instantly and waved his tail toward the horizon. "It's... oh, it's beautiful. Ain't never seen clouds like that before. Those pink ones. I think they're the most wonderful clouds I've ever seen."
And as soon as that was out they arrived at their secret destination. She'd brought him to an old abandoned ranch. The message couldn't be much clearer. "Freckles," he turned to her now, genuinely wounded, "You brought me here to get rid of me, didn't you?" He tried to stop the hurt from showing, but his eyes seemed to have other plans. The deepest sorrow he'd ever felt in his life filled them. He honestly tried to stop it, but his walls seemed to come down around Gingerstar. He was as powerless to stop his emotions from showing as he was to resurrect the past.
And yes, Reader, it truly was the greatest sorrow he'd ever known, greater even than having his family torn from him, because as much as he loved his family, it was not where he truly belonged. It was not his special corner of the world.
This was a cold that he could not accept.
---
The cool, biting winter air and the snow underneath her feet were usually things about leaf-bare that Gingerstar despised, despite her long coat of warmth that usually kept her comfortable (her paws and nose were still always sensitive), but today, as she made the long trek out to the old ranch, she thought the frozen world, frigid and dead as it was, was beautiful. Maybe it was the fact that everything was perfectly preserved in a thin blanket of snow-- that beneath her feet, there were seeds buried deep, ready to grow into new life in just a few more weeks. Soon, Spring would be here. She couldn't wait to see the flowers bloom.
But for now, she had a magic world of stand-still white, glittering in the light of the sun, like the sun itself was captured underneath the snow and it was shining through it all. She wanted to share this with Rain-- for some reason, she felt like he would appreciate this thought, being as romantic as he was-- but just then, she saw the ranch up ahead and was distracted. Her expression, caught in a relaxed smile, changed. It grew blank, like the world around her, and as the ranch drew nearer, whatever magic that was caught in her own eyes, disappeared, little by little.
Why? She was nervous. She'd never admit it outloud, she would never let such a trivial thing pass her face or tremble in her voice. But she was very nervous. Because, though she had so much planned for today-- and the anticipation, the excitement, was still there, though quiet and hidden-- this was so much more than just a trip. She had told Rain that all apprentices took this trip before becoming a warrior. She had lied.
Apprentices took a trip, yes, but none of them ever came here, to the dilapidated ranch outside of Pineclan territory. Though it was old and run down, there were many mice hiding in the cracks-- along with rogues-- and a chicken coop that a two-leg still came and attended to. There was a newer, nicer ranch not far off, but she had chosen this one. Less two-legs, cats, distractions, and it sounded much more like the ranch he had often described to her.
And that was why they were here. She wanted it to be his ranch. The ranch of his kithood, where he had done all those things he had told her, while speaking with those big eyes (silly eyes) and accent so pronounced she had smiled wide throughout the tales. She had seen the love of it all, the nostalgia. And it was cruel of her, but she wanted to torture him with it. She needed to force him to face up with his old life and make sure for once, and for all, that he wasn't going to get up and leave. She needed his loyalty. If this didn't tempt him back...she could trust that he would stay.
But now she was here. And for all her best laid plans, this was one that she didn't want to work. Those moons ago, when she had tried so hard to make him leave, were gone. Now all she wanted was to trust him, for him to be the cat that she thought he was. The cat that, for some stupid, odd, insane reason, she had grown to actually like.
"It's... oh, it's beautiful. Ain't never seen clouds like that before. Those pink ones. I think they're the most wonderful clouds I've ever seen."
She looked up at the sky at Rain's motion, and for a brief, fleeting second, her stupid worries escaped and she was calmed. A smile twitched her mouth, and then, out of nowhere, without her permission certainly, she said, "Pink's actually my favorite color. It's wonderful to see the sky without the pine trees obscuring it from view."
The moment the words had left her mouth she regretted it. Her fur grew a little hot and she looked quickly away. An awkward silence followed and the continued to the ranch in the distance silently, until finally, when they got there, Rain broke the tenshion. He called her nickname in a voice that was too quiet to be Rain, too astonished and too shocked and hurt to be real. He turned and looked at her, and she was very much as surprised by his reaction as he was no doubt by their destination.
"You brought me here to get rid of me, didn't you?"
She blinked away her shock, and underneath it, she found....was insult. She was insulted. He may not have reacted the way she had thought, but he had expected the worst of her, didn't he? She had brought him here, not to get rid of him-- but to make sure that he would stay. With her. As a true part of her clan, her family and as one of her only real friends-- or so she thought.
He didn't think so though. He still saw her as the monster she was (is), the one that wanted to chase him away. She couldn't blame him. She was still that cat, underneath it all, even if she had grown fond of him. Of course he would still think of her that way. Why would he consider her his friend? Look at her. Look at who she was, everything she did or does now. He had probably heard all about her past by now, about her son and...
She was a fool. She saw that. Why had she even considered the possibility that they were...?
But she didn't let this hurt show. In fact, her face grew hard and she raised an eyebrow at her apprentice. "A bit paranoid there, aren't we? Please, Rain, I gave up on getting rid of you when I realized what an excellent source of brute force you are in battle. A mindless brute force, maybe, but you'd get the job done. A warrior is a warrior after all." Brief pause, and she relaxed a little and smirked.
"So, unless you have any more concerns, we still have some sunlight left. I say we make the most of it."
---
God, he wished she wouldn't do that. It drove him absolutely crazy. She always showed her true feelings for a split second and then up came her walls of indifference. Why did she need to convince herself that she didn't care about him? Why did she need to pretend like she didn't? He'd seen that he'd hurt her with his question, with his lack of faith in her intentions. So why not just up and say it instead of lying to herself? It was alright if she lied to him, because by now he could always see the truth, but it was not okay with him that she lied to herself. That was the very best way to get into a situation that you never wanted to be in. He knew that from experience.
It killed him to see her hurting though. He wanted nothing more than to lean his head against hers and fix her broken heart with all the right words. It would be nice if he knew what those words were. But he knew that if he dared to touch her right now she'd claw him. That was just Gingerstar. She would be so angry that a tornado would flee from the sight of her.
Ah, but the sight of her good mood dying, her face adopting their familiar clouds once more made him want to smash his head against a giant boulder or do something equally injurious to himself. Maybe jump off a cliff into a river that would plummet over a waterfall. A freezing river. With genetically altered piranhas in it so they could swim in the cold. Yes. That would work well. Anything to show her how sorry he was. Although, if he did jump into that freezing piranha waterfall river, he would die, and then nothing would ever get fixed. So he supposed that all he could do was be honest with her. Set a good example.
"I'm sorry, okay?" His voice was quieter than usual, his face contrite. "I was just surprised to see the barn is all. I thought you still didn't trust me. I know, I know, silly stupid Rainpaw. I really was stupid this time. I agree with you, okay? I just wish you'd warned me before we got here and my entire goddamn childhood was shoved in my face."
Rainpaw sighed. Now he'd really done it. He could picture his little shoulder cats flapping after his words, trying to drag them back in his mouth before the damage could be done. But it was too late. Congratulations, Rainpaw! You just earned the Oscar for the most ridiculous emotional outburst of your entire life. Would you like to make a speech? No? What a pity. I'm sure everybody would appreciate your lovely words.
"And come on, you don't really think I'm mindless, do you? I mean, I can do some pretty stupid things sometimes, but I've seen your face when I tell you those stories. Sometimes you even smile." He smiled too. As quickly as he'd become upset, he was no longer upset. If Gingerstar wanted to hide behind her walls and pretend to be distant from him, so be it. But if she didn't care about him, she wouldn't even bother to try and hide herself. That was peace enough for now. He'd break down her walls, slowly, gently, with a touch so slight that she wouldn't even notice it. She would give in to him, just like he already had.
"And I say show me the way, Red Leader. Ain't no use on dwelling on this. Just gotta plow through. And you never know, we might actually have some fun here. So whaddya say? You up for an adventure, Freckles?"
---
She had been expecting immediate submission. Maybe a side comment, a mumble or growl from the peanut gallery, insulting her for, once again, being a terrible, terrible cat. Unfortunately, she did not receive both of these easy, expected responses. She got something far worse: Honesty. It was something so scary and unexpected, there was no hiding her expression. She was automatically taken aback, and automatically frightened, even though she had no real reason to be scared! Rainpaw wasn't yelling or snarling or threatening her. He was quiet and honest and that was more dangerous than anything.
And what was the most frightening was that she had no idea how to respond. Tell the truth? Admit to him "I don't want you to go and this was a test to see if you would stay"? He would only react negatively to that, seeing as she was manipulating his feelings and the memories he had shared with her. He'd just dislike her more than he already did.
But perhaps that was possibly for the best. Gingerstar didn't know what she was thinking when she had called Rain a friend. She had forgotten how to be a friend; it had simply been too long since she had wanted to spend time with someone and had fun with anyone. She knew what she was, what she had been and what she had become and that person could not make friends and not with Rain. Especially not with Rain.
So she couldn't tell him the truth.
Lucky for Gingerstar, Rain gave her a way out. He didn't stay mad or disappointed in her. He moved on. For a brief moment, she let her eyes close in relief, and when she opened them, her spark was back.
"I'm always up for an adventure. You're the one that needs help keeping up," she teased lightly, sauntering up to the ranch with her tail swishing behind her. She could hear Rain following her and she stopped at hte entrance until he was once again by her side.
Before she entered, she murmured, "And no. I don't think you're mindless...at all." And she slipped into the broken, old ranch, where all their adventures would be waiting for them.
---
Rainpaw smiled. Now that was more like it! That was the Gingerstar he liked to see! One of her walls had come right back down, and all he'd done was be honest with her. Yes, she was still guarded, but she was less guarded now. She did not have to pretend to be indifferent anymore, now that she knew he knew she cared. Well, at least, that's what he thought had just happened. Sometimes she still left him scratching his head.
But it was adventure time now! He followed her swishing tail straight into the gaping, aged door of the barn, feeling for all the world like a kitten again. There was no straw on the floor, just sawdust, but he reveled in the musty smell, grinning. His steps kicked up small clouds of dust, barely visible in the waning light. Oh, he remembered tussling with Analucia and creating clouds of dust that filled half the barn. But that was in the past, and right now Gingerstar was telling him that she did not think he was mindless at all.
Um, wow. Way to screw with my mind, Freckles!
"And I don't think you're heartless. 'Cause that's what you think I think, ain't it?" So there. You wanna screw with my mind, I can screw with yours too! Rain smiled, scuffing a little bit of sawdust at her. This was going well so far. They were communicating!
Then he saw the ladder. After that, he saw the loft. After that, he saw how the ladder was safe and how it led up to the loft. He grinned, whispered, "I'll race you up to the loft," and shot ahead, scrambling madly up the conveniently metallic ladder to land in- oh, joy of joys!- a pile of HAY! It was itchy and scratchy and pokey and oh so wonderful and even better than he remembered it! So what could he do but roll around in it?
---
"And I don't think you're heartless. 'Cause that's what you think I think, ain't it?"
Her heart-- oh it was there, alright-- stopped. It stalled in her chest, freezing her body with it, eyes locked straight ahead at the sudden, unexpected, unasked-for comment.
And just as quickly as it stopped, it started again, launching into overdrive, and the first pump brought a strange, warm feeling flooding into her body, into every cell, every bit of her. What was it? What was going on? What the hell was she feeling, this feeling like...like there was a smile in her heart and maybe she wanted to squeal a little-- oh dear earth, no she would not be one of THOSE she-cats!
Gingerstar-- Gingerstar, freaking leader of freaking Pineclan, feared and respected, a force of nature itself, did not squeal. And she didn't feel whatever this was. Because this was too...good. Someone like her didn't feel good things like this. Someone like her did not get these rapid heartbeats. Gingerstar tried to swallow it away and shake her head, pushing it far, far, far down, down to a place where nothing dared to go. She would not let herself be overcome with this emotion, when she knew that it would only lead to disaster.
"And I don't think you're heartless..." The words echoed in an endless stream, each time creating a war between this warm feeling and the feeling of complete, utter horror.
She was heartless, though. She was what everyone had always said of her. Cats had called her talented, and so she excelled at everything she did. Cats had called her gorgeous, and so she was. Cats had called her mean, cruel, whore, tease, kit-killer, sinner, liar, heartless-- and as always, she had met expectations. Rain was mistaken. Clearly he hadn't been listening to the general consensus.
She watched Rain run up the ladder and as he did, she decided...to hell with it. She was just going to forget about...just everything. About all the other cats and about what Rain had just said (she was too scared to feel that feeling, because she knew what it might mean) and about what she was thinking. She decided she didn't want to ruin this. She would make one perfect day, steal some happiness for some moments, and pretend like she was who she wanted to be.
"Wh-- hey!" she called after him as he shot ahead, clearly cheating. She chased after him, but of course, could not beat him up the ladder. So she just swiftly ascended and then jumped off the ladder, soaring into the hay loft, landing directly upon Rain with an OOMPH.
"Oops. Is that your face? My bad," Gingerstar purred, hay clinging instantly to her thick fur. "By the way, you cheated. So I win!"
---
Rain was blissfully rolling in the hay one moment, soaking up its warmth and must and sweet scent, and the next moment his world turned orange, then black, and his nose ticked with the feel of Gingerstar's fur in his nose. He rolled his eyes, laughing internally. He hadn't expected anything different, had he? Of course, part of him had still expected Gingerstar to be stony and disapproving, unsociable and taciturn, because that usually made things so much more enjoyable for her. That small part of him was rapidly melting away, though, to be replaced with a deep appreciation for his friend's many layers, her ability to constantly surprise him. That was important in any relationship. Otherwise you could end up getting bored, or settling for something less than amazing because it was what you had known for so long you'd come to accept it as the best life had to offer.
There was no danger of that with his Freckles though. The rest of the clan cats tried to put her in a box, but he wouldn't accept that. Nobody could be stuck in a box, especially not Gingerstar. If she accepted the box, she would die inside, and he knew that. He saw how differently she acted around some other cats. All the life went out of her because they shut her in a box, a cage, and refused to believe anything about her except what they put in the box with her body. That was the greatest tragedy he'd ever seen. The spark left her eyes, her tail drooped, and her voice lost its melody. But anyway, there was no danger of her ever boring him, because she was alive when they were together, no matter how uncomfortable it might make her sometimes.
"Freckles, would you get yourself off my face?" He tried to speak through the masses of her thick fur, but it came out sounding like he was playing Chubby Bunny and had just lost. Barely any intelligible sound came out. Maybe if he could just shift his face that way a bit... ah, there! Air!
"Yeah, your bad," he purred back, playfully sticking his tongue out. He would have batted her on the ear or something, but his paws were otherwise occupied being trapped underneath Gingerstar's chest. She would just have to settle for it. He shifted a little bit. He wondered if she knew how warm she was, or how good she smelled. He'd had little choice but to notice that, what with his nose being plugged with her fur. This was nice. He liked this. She was happy, and she was comfortable with him, obviously. She wouldn't let herself lay on him otherwise.
And, oh, what was this? Was that... oh no. It couldn't be. Why could he feel the thudding in his chest speeding up? What was this? And why was he so... so happy? He felt a million miles high, and he felt as warm as the sun. Well, he wasn't turning warm, of course, because that would just be embarrassing, but his insides felt so warm and big and good, he felt like they could be glowing or even burst out of his body.
Well, that was interesting. So he squirmed out from underneath Gingerstar, hoping she hadn't had enough time to feel his heartbeat speeding up. That would just make things awkward. Better distract her, just in case.
"And you did not win! I got there first. Just caught you off guard is all, silly," he teased, smiling.
"So... now what? That was fun. We could... uh... what can we do..." he trailed off, trying desperately to think of something, anything to do. He needed something to get his mind off of her. This was turning just plain weird. He should not be feeling all warm and fuzzy about Freckles! She would hate him for it.
[/center]He did not turn around to face the star, for he knew if he did he would be tempted to let the cold rule his life again. He must be powerful enough to resurrect the past. But experience told him otherwise. His memories were protected by a film, almost like ice, that was so very very thin but oh so cold, and if he pressed himself up against it for too long in an attempt to melt the barrier it would just freeze him instead. He was powerless as far as that went, and he refused to be borne back ceaselessly against the tides of time. He would allow himself to learn from the past, yes, but he was done trying to bring it back.
Up ahead there was a layer of clouds, pink, that looked like little wispy scallop shells in the sky. They added a strange beauty to the sunset that he had never witnessed before, a beauty that pierced his heart and made his breath catch in his chest.
He turned to mention it to Gingerstar and found his heart being pierced yet again. She was absolutely radiant in the warm light. It was reflecting off of all the snow and ice, and as she stared ahead her eyes sparkled as the world did. It was like something had taken her clouds away and her true form was finally shimmering through. The result was almost blinding. She herself seemed to be warmth incarnate. He wondered sulkily what he must look like. Probably like his body was trying to convert itself to color but it was failing because he was gray. He couldn't look anything at all like his Freckles. The very earth seemed insufficient for her in this moment. He wondered what she was thinking of.
"Wow," he breathed, but caught himself instantly and waved his tail toward the horizon. "It's... oh, it's beautiful. Ain't never seen clouds like that before. Those pink ones. I think they're the most wonderful clouds I've ever seen."
And as soon as that was out they arrived at their secret destination. She'd brought him to an old abandoned ranch. The message couldn't be much clearer. "Freckles," he turned to her now, genuinely wounded, "You brought me here to get rid of me, didn't you?" He tried to stop the hurt from showing, but his eyes seemed to have other plans. The deepest sorrow he'd ever felt in his life filled them. He honestly tried to stop it, but his walls seemed to come down around Gingerstar. He was as powerless to stop his emotions from showing as he was to resurrect the past.
And yes, Reader, it truly was the greatest sorrow he'd ever known, greater even than having his family torn from him, because as much as he loved his family, it was not where he truly belonged. It was not his special corner of the world.
This was a cold that he could not accept.
---
The cool, biting winter air and the snow underneath her feet were usually things about leaf-bare that Gingerstar despised, despite her long coat of warmth that usually kept her comfortable (her paws and nose were still always sensitive), but today, as she made the long trek out to the old ranch, she thought the frozen world, frigid and dead as it was, was beautiful. Maybe it was the fact that everything was perfectly preserved in a thin blanket of snow-- that beneath her feet, there were seeds buried deep, ready to grow into new life in just a few more weeks. Soon, Spring would be here. She couldn't wait to see the flowers bloom.
But for now, she had a magic world of stand-still white, glittering in the light of the sun, like the sun itself was captured underneath the snow and it was shining through it all. She wanted to share this with Rain-- for some reason, she felt like he would appreciate this thought, being as romantic as he was-- but just then, she saw the ranch up ahead and was distracted. Her expression, caught in a relaxed smile, changed. It grew blank, like the world around her, and as the ranch drew nearer, whatever magic that was caught in her own eyes, disappeared, little by little.
Why? She was nervous. She'd never admit it outloud, she would never let such a trivial thing pass her face or tremble in her voice. But she was very nervous. Because, though she had so much planned for today-- and the anticipation, the excitement, was still there, though quiet and hidden-- this was so much more than just a trip. She had told Rain that all apprentices took this trip before becoming a warrior. She had lied.
Apprentices took a trip, yes, but none of them ever came here, to the dilapidated ranch outside of Pineclan territory. Though it was old and run down, there were many mice hiding in the cracks-- along with rogues-- and a chicken coop that a two-leg still came and attended to. There was a newer, nicer ranch not far off, but she had chosen this one. Less two-legs, cats, distractions, and it sounded much more like the ranch he had often described to her.
And that was why they were here. She wanted it to be his ranch. The ranch of his kithood, where he had done all those things he had told her, while speaking with those big eyes (silly eyes) and accent so pronounced she had smiled wide throughout the tales. She had seen the love of it all, the nostalgia. And it was cruel of her, but she wanted to torture him with it. She needed to force him to face up with his old life and make sure for once, and for all, that he wasn't going to get up and leave. She needed his loyalty. If this didn't tempt him back...she could trust that he would stay.
But now she was here. And for all her best laid plans, this was one that she didn't want to work. Those moons ago, when she had tried so hard to make him leave, were gone. Now all she wanted was to trust him, for him to be the cat that she thought he was. The cat that, for some stupid, odd, insane reason, she had grown to actually like.
She looked up at the sky at Rain's motion, and for a brief, fleeting second, her stupid worries escaped and she was calmed. A smile twitched her mouth, and then, out of nowhere, without her permission certainly, she said, "Pink's actually my favorite color. It's wonderful to see the sky without the pine trees obscuring it from view."
The moment the words had left her mouth she regretted it. Her fur grew a little hot and she looked quickly away. An awkward silence followed and the continued to the ranch in the distance silently, until finally, when they got there, Rain broke the tenshion. He called her nickname in a voice that was too quiet to be Rain, too astonished and too shocked and hurt to be real. He turned and looked at her, and she was very much as surprised by his reaction as he was no doubt by their destination.
She blinked away her shock, and underneath it, she found....was insult. She was insulted. He may not have reacted the way she had thought, but he had expected the worst of her, didn't he? She had brought him here, not to get rid of him-- but to make sure that he would stay. With her. As a true part of her clan, her family and as one of her only real friends-- or so she thought.
He didn't think so though. He still saw her as the monster she was (is), the one that wanted to chase him away. She couldn't blame him. She was still that cat, underneath it all, even if she had grown fond of him. Of course he would still think of her that way. Why would he consider her his friend? Look at her. Look at who she was, everything she did or does now. He had probably heard all about her past by now, about her son and...
She was a fool. She saw that. Why had she even considered the possibility that they were...?
But she didn't let this hurt show. In fact, her face grew hard and she raised an eyebrow at her apprentice. "A bit paranoid there, aren't we? Please, Rain, I gave up on getting rid of you when I realized what an excellent source of brute force you are in battle. A mindless brute force, maybe, but you'd get the job done. A warrior is a warrior after all." Brief pause, and she relaxed a little and smirked.
"So, unless you have any more concerns, we still have some sunlight left. I say we make the most of it."
---
God, he wished she wouldn't do that. It drove him absolutely crazy. She always showed her true feelings for a split second and then up came her walls of indifference. Why did she need to convince herself that she didn't care about him? Why did she need to pretend like she didn't? He'd seen that he'd hurt her with his question, with his lack of faith in her intentions. So why not just up and say it instead of lying to herself? It was alright if she lied to him, because by now he could always see the truth, but it was not okay with him that she lied to herself. That was the very best way to get into a situation that you never wanted to be in. He knew that from experience.
It killed him to see her hurting though. He wanted nothing more than to lean his head against hers and fix her broken heart with all the right words. It would be nice if he knew what those words were. But he knew that if he dared to touch her right now she'd claw him. That was just Gingerstar. She would be so angry that a tornado would flee from the sight of her.
Ah, but the sight of her good mood dying, her face adopting their familiar clouds once more made him want to smash his head against a giant boulder or do something equally injurious to himself. Maybe jump off a cliff into a river that would plummet over a waterfall. A freezing river. With genetically altered piranhas in it so they could swim in the cold. Yes. That would work well. Anything to show her how sorry he was. Although, if he did jump into that freezing piranha waterfall river, he would die, and then nothing would ever get fixed. So he supposed that all he could do was be honest with her. Set a good example.
"I'm sorry, okay?" His voice was quieter than usual, his face contrite. "I was just surprised to see the barn is all. I thought you still didn't trust me. I know, I know, silly stupid Rainpaw. I really was stupid this time. I agree with you, okay? I just wish you'd warned me before we got here and my entire goddamn childhood was shoved in my face."
Rainpaw sighed. Now he'd really done it. He could picture his little shoulder cats flapping after his words, trying to drag them back in his mouth before the damage could be done. But it was too late. Congratulations, Rainpaw! You just earned the Oscar for the most ridiculous emotional outburst of your entire life. Would you like to make a speech? No? What a pity. I'm sure everybody would appreciate your lovely words.
"And come on, you don't really think I'm mindless, do you? I mean, I can do some pretty stupid things sometimes, but I've seen your face when I tell you those stories. Sometimes you even smile." He smiled too. As quickly as he'd become upset, he was no longer upset. If Gingerstar wanted to hide behind her walls and pretend to be distant from him, so be it. But if she didn't care about him, she wouldn't even bother to try and hide herself. That was peace enough for now. He'd break down her walls, slowly, gently, with a touch so slight that she wouldn't even notice it. She would give in to him, just like he already had.
"And I say show me the way, Red Leader. Ain't no use on dwelling on this. Just gotta plow through. And you never know, we might actually have some fun here. So whaddya say? You up for an adventure, Freckles?"
---
She had been expecting immediate submission. Maybe a side comment, a mumble or growl from the peanut gallery, insulting her for, once again, being a terrible, terrible cat. Unfortunately, she did not receive both of these easy, expected responses. She got something far worse: Honesty. It was something so scary and unexpected, there was no hiding her expression. She was automatically taken aback, and automatically frightened, even though she had no real reason to be scared! Rainpaw wasn't yelling or snarling or threatening her. He was quiet and honest and that was more dangerous than anything.
And what was the most frightening was that she had no idea how to respond. Tell the truth? Admit to him "I don't want you to go and this was a test to see if you would stay"? He would only react negatively to that, seeing as she was manipulating his feelings and the memories he had shared with her. He'd just dislike her more than he already did.
But perhaps that was possibly for the best. Gingerstar didn't know what she was thinking when she had called Rain a friend. She had forgotten how to be a friend; it had simply been too long since she had wanted to spend time with someone and had fun with anyone. She knew what she was, what she had been and what she had become and that person could not make friends and not with Rain. Especially not with Rain.
So she couldn't tell him the truth.
Lucky for Gingerstar, Rain gave her a way out. He didn't stay mad or disappointed in her. He moved on. For a brief moment, she let her eyes close in relief, and when she opened them, her spark was back.
"I'm always up for an adventure. You're the one that needs help keeping up," she teased lightly, sauntering up to the ranch with her tail swishing behind her. She could hear Rain following her and she stopped at hte entrance until he was once again by her side.
Before she entered, she murmured, "And no. I don't think you're mindless...at all." And she slipped into the broken, old ranch, where all their adventures would be waiting for them.
---
Rainpaw smiled. Now that was more like it! That was the Gingerstar he liked to see! One of her walls had come right back down, and all he'd done was be honest with her. Yes, she was still guarded, but she was less guarded now. She did not have to pretend to be indifferent anymore, now that she knew he knew she cared. Well, at least, that's what he thought had just happened. Sometimes she still left him scratching his head.
But it was adventure time now! He followed her swishing tail straight into the gaping, aged door of the barn, feeling for all the world like a kitten again. There was no straw on the floor, just sawdust, but he reveled in the musty smell, grinning. His steps kicked up small clouds of dust, barely visible in the waning light. Oh, he remembered tussling with Analucia and creating clouds of dust that filled half the barn. But that was in the past, and right now Gingerstar was telling him that she did not think he was mindless at all.
Um, wow. Way to screw with my mind, Freckles!
"And I don't think you're heartless. 'Cause that's what you think I think, ain't it?" So there. You wanna screw with my mind, I can screw with yours too! Rain smiled, scuffing a little bit of sawdust at her. This was going well so far. They were communicating!
Then he saw the ladder. After that, he saw the loft. After that, he saw how the ladder was safe and how it led up to the loft. He grinned, whispered, "I'll race you up to the loft," and shot ahead, scrambling madly up the conveniently metallic ladder to land in- oh, joy of joys!- a pile of HAY! It was itchy and scratchy and pokey and oh so wonderful and even better than he remembered it! So what could he do but roll around in it?
---
"And I don't think you're heartless. 'Cause that's what you think I think, ain't it?"
Her heart-- oh it was there, alright-- stopped. It stalled in her chest, freezing her body with it, eyes locked straight ahead at the sudden, unexpected, unasked-for comment.
And just as quickly as it stopped, it started again, launching into overdrive, and the first pump brought a strange, warm feeling flooding into her body, into every cell, every bit of her. What was it? What was going on? What the hell was she feeling, this feeling like...like there was a smile in her heart and maybe she wanted to squeal a little-- oh dear earth, no she would not be one of THOSE she-cats!
Gingerstar-- Gingerstar, freaking leader of freaking Pineclan, feared and respected, a force of nature itself, did not squeal. And she didn't feel whatever this was. Because this was too...good. Someone like her didn't feel good things like this. Someone like her did not get these rapid heartbeats. Gingerstar tried to swallow it away and shake her head, pushing it far, far, far down, down to a place where nothing dared to go. She would not let herself be overcome with this emotion, when she knew that it would only lead to disaster.
"And I don't think you're heartless..." The words echoed in an endless stream, each time creating a war between this warm feeling and the feeling of complete, utter horror.
She was heartless, though. She was what everyone had always said of her. Cats had called her talented, and so she excelled at everything she did. Cats had called her gorgeous, and so she was. Cats had called her mean, cruel, whore, tease, kit-killer, sinner, liar, heartless-- and as always, she had met expectations. Rain was mistaken. Clearly he hadn't been listening to the general consensus.
She watched Rain run up the ladder and as he did, she decided...to hell with it. She was just going to forget about...just everything. About all the other cats and about what Rain had just said (she was too scared to feel that feeling, because she knew what it might mean) and about what she was thinking. She decided she didn't want to ruin this. She would make one perfect day, steal some happiness for some moments, and pretend like she was who she wanted to be.
"Wh-- hey!" she called after him as he shot ahead, clearly cheating. She chased after him, but of course, could not beat him up the ladder. So she just swiftly ascended and then jumped off the ladder, soaring into the hay loft, landing directly upon Rain with an OOMPH.
"Oops. Is that your face? My bad," Gingerstar purred, hay clinging instantly to her thick fur. "By the way, you cheated. So I win!"
---
Rain was blissfully rolling in the hay one moment, soaking up its warmth and must and sweet scent, and the next moment his world turned orange, then black, and his nose ticked with the feel of Gingerstar's fur in his nose. He rolled his eyes, laughing internally. He hadn't expected anything different, had he? Of course, part of him had still expected Gingerstar to be stony and disapproving, unsociable and taciturn, because that usually made things so much more enjoyable for her. That small part of him was rapidly melting away, though, to be replaced with a deep appreciation for his friend's many layers, her ability to constantly surprise him. That was important in any relationship. Otherwise you could end up getting bored, or settling for something less than amazing because it was what you had known for so long you'd come to accept it as the best life had to offer.
There was no danger of that with his Freckles though. The rest of the clan cats tried to put her in a box, but he wouldn't accept that. Nobody could be stuck in a box, especially not Gingerstar. If she accepted the box, she would die inside, and he knew that. He saw how differently she acted around some other cats. All the life went out of her because they shut her in a box, a cage, and refused to believe anything about her except what they put in the box with her body. That was the greatest tragedy he'd ever seen. The spark left her eyes, her tail drooped, and her voice lost its melody. But anyway, there was no danger of her ever boring him, because she was alive when they were together, no matter how uncomfortable it might make her sometimes.
"Freckles, would you get yourself off my face?" He tried to speak through the masses of her thick fur, but it came out sounding like he was playing Chubby Bunny and had just lost. Barely any intelligible sound came out. Maybe if he could just shift his face that way a bit... ah, there! Air!
"Yeah, your bad," he purred back, playfully sticking his tongue out. He would have batted her on the ear or something, but his paws were otherwise occupied being trapped underneath Gingerstar's chest. She would just have to settle for it. He shifted a little bit. He wondered if she knew how warm she was, or how good she smelled. He'd had little choice but to notice that, what with his nose being plugged with her fur. This was nice. He liked this. She was happy, and she was comfortable with him, obviously. She wouldn't let herself lay on him otherwise.
And, oh, what was this? Was that... oh no. It couldn't be. Why could he feel the thudding in his chest speeding up? What was this? And why was he so... so happy? He felt a million miles high, and he felt as warm as the sun. Well, he wasn't turning warm, of course, because that would just be embarrassing, but his insides felt so warm and big and good, he felt like they could be glowing or even burst out of his body.
Well, that was interesting. So he squirmed out from underneath Gingerstar, hoping she hadn't had enough time to feel his heartbeat speeding up. That would just make things awkward. Better distract her, just in case.
"And you did not win! I got there first. Just caught you off guard is all, silly," he teased, smiling.
"So... now what? That was fun. We could... uh... what can we do..." he trailed off, trying desperately to think of something, anything to do. He needed something to get his mind off of her. This was turning just plain weird. He should not be feeling all warm and fuzzy about Freckles! She would hate him for it.
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