Post by mistytail on Oct 5, 2012 7:36:41 GMT -10
Name | Gauze
Gender | Tom, neutered
Age | 25 moons
Rank | Loner
Clan | None
Beliefs | Gauze is a highly spiritual atheist. He has never been exposed to the idea of a higher being, but is very in tune with the earth. He believes that every event in nature, no matter how small, has "a great and powerful purpose." As such, he only hunts when he is extremely hungry, and refuses to kill infant animals. Hunting for Gauze is a dance between predator and prey, in which he often whispers something similar to the effect of "I am sorry, I am in need," and waits for the prey animal to show a sign saying, "Yes, take me, I am worthy." He does not share his hunting techniques with others as he knows he would be shamed for them, but he will not compromise them for the sake of pleasing another.
Parents | Mother - Lace (deceased), Father - unknown
Siblings | Ashface of StreamClan, formerly known as Box [NP]
Other Kin | Nieces - Maplepaw and Fawnpaw [PC] of StreamClan
Nephew - Duckpaw of StreamClan [PC]
Mate | Not yet
Crush | Not yet
Kits | Not yet
Apprentice/Mentor | Not yet, not a Clan cat
Appearance | Lace always told her boys they got their good looks from her, and that is true. Gauze is a handsome gray tom with amber eyes. He has a white chest and a thin white marking on the top of his muzzle as well as white paws. His left ear is missing the tip after being trapped by humans a TNR program. He has some scars on his shoulders from trying to escape from a faulty trap (which the humans destroyed after he was put in the Cutter's cage). As such, he does not like to be touched, and generally has his tail wrapped around his paws in a very thoughtful way that makes him look quite wise. He is perpetually unhealthily skinny, as he waits until his is absolutely starving. Therefore, it's very easy to see his ribs and spine.
Personality | Gauze is for the most part a very calm, collected cat. He has a high physical pain tolerance as well as an emotional one. Gauze is not one for brooding; instead, he believes that pain, while it must be felt, should be used as a tool to move forward. He does not grieve over his inability to have kits like his mother and brother did. Instead, he sees it as an opportunity to go through life making an impact and a legacy that does not stop at having children. While he does wish to find a mate one day, the thought does not plague his every waking moment, nor does it give him a sense of despair.
When Gauze and his brother Box were introduced to Clan life, Gauze was uninterested, believing Clans to be too aggressive and too exclusive for his taste. While he respects the Clans for what they are, he recognizes that the lifestyle is not for him.
Gauze's personal belief is that if someone is in need of help, it is his responsibility to help. He is always willing and able to give anyone anything they need. He is not an aggressive cat at all, and is in fact often too passive for his own good. He is constantly traveling and looking to find a permanent home, as he is always giving up his territory for any cat that can come up with a good sob story. He is also not in very good health as he often waits until his is literally starving to eat.
However, Gauze can be a little pretentious. When he gets in a particularly philosophical mood, he believes himself to be smarter and more enlightened than any cat around him. He also has a tendency to view those he has helped strictly by their problems and gauges everything they do in relation to that one particular issue. (For example, if he met a blind cat he would think everything that cat did, thought, said, and felt would be directly in relation to their blindness.) This makes him more judgmental than he thinks he is.
Skills | Gauze is exceptionally good at providing spiritual guidance and healing. He often finds himself in the paths of cats who are in dire need of care, be it a tom who just lost everything in a fight, a troubled she-cat who is too young to have kits, a lost kit looking for its mother, an old cat afraid of dying. Gauze will sit with them and listen to their problems and try to give them help and direction. He is also a reasonably good hunter, despite his choosing to fast until he absolutely needs to eat. He is a very poor fighter, as he has no skill in it, nor is he in proper health for it.
History | The sons of two loners, Gauze and Box were born to a lovely white she-cat named Lace. They lived on the fringes of a loner colony for a long time. Lace never told them too much about their father except that he was brave, kind, but could be mean. Very mean. She had the scars on her face to prove it. Still, she cared for her two sons like they were the most precious things in the world to her. She raised them to be strong, independent cats, and they did not disappoint her. But she did notice that Gauze was a little different from his brother. He was more quiet, more withdrawn, and always asking hard questions, like "Why do we get old?" or "Why are we alive?" She never knew how to answer him, but told him that if he thought of the question, he could think of the answer. Gauze internalized this, and was constantly seeking wisdom from within himself.
Unfortunately, one night he became so distracted with his thoughts that he walked himself right into a human trap. He thrashed and screamed and fought to get out, but the trap was broken in some places, and the wires gouged his shoulders. He fell asleep in the trap and was picked up by a human the next morning. He met some other cats that had been trapped in the back of the human beast, and they told him they were being taken to the Cutter, a human that puts them to sleep and cuts up their bodies.
Gauze was terrified and lashed out at the human carrying his cage into the Cutter's nest. However, instead of being freed, he was pulled out and had a funny thing put on his face that made him fall asleep. Just before he blacked out, he noticed the humans getting rid of the cage he was in.
When Gauze woke up, he noticed the tip of his left ear had been cut off, and something else felt wrong, though he wasn't sure. Still groggy, he didn't fight it when the humans put him back in a new cage and left him where they had found him. He walked out and found Lace and Box, but they were staring at him in horror. When he asked why, Box crudely responded, "Whatever happened to you, you're not a tom anymore."
Gauze and Box were introduced to Clan life by accidentally wandering into StreamClan territory. They decided to move from their old forest after Gauze was "cut," while their mother decided to become a kittypet, as she felt she was too old to travel. Since Gauze and his brother both were unaware that the Clans even existed, they were not injured and simply asked to leave and not return. Gauze could accept this, saying he did not want to be part of a life that involved battles and exclusion. However, Box was highly intrigued by the lifestyle, and was angry with his brother when he refused to join. Gauze knew Box really only wanted the lifestyle of a Clan cat because he was so angry and needed order and an outlet for aggression, but Gauze was nonplussed. Box insulted Gauze's tomhood, saying "If you weren't a useless cat who isn't even a tom anymore, you would understand!" Box then left Gauze in a huff, never looking back. Gauze only returned to the border once, and waited there for hours until a patrol came by, saying he simply wanted to know how his brother was doing. He was told that Box had been accepted into the Clan and was now called Ashface. With that in mind, Gauze left the Clan in peace.
The loss of his brother was probably one of the most painful experiences for Gauze, and, not wishing to bear it alone, he went back to the house where his mother lived.
Home is the place where, if you have to go there, they have to take you in.
Gauze walked for days before he could find his mother's home. He climbed the fence and meowed for her, but she never answered. A human opened the door to her house, looked at him, and shook its head before closing the door. Gauze knew what that meant.
So he was dead to his brother, and his mother was really dead. Gauze did what he supposed anyone would do at that time: grieve. The pain he felt was deep and intense. He would describe it later to those who had lost their own loved ones, "It's like claws gnawing at you from the inside. It's like something pricking at your eyes and twisting up your face into the ugly shapes of sadness, and the more you fight it, the uglier it gets. It's like your paws get weighed down and that place just above them feels like thorns are gonna come right out of your skin. Oh, it hurts, I won't lie to you. But the thing is, you have to let it hurt. You have to let it swallow you whole before it can spit you back out."
Like Jonah, we'll be swallowed whole, and spat back teeth and bone.
But one day, Gauze felt tired of grieving. He could not let the loss of his beloved mother and the end of his relationship with his brother weigh him down forever. That was no way to live. That wasn't what his mother would have wanted. So, he got up and walked, for lengths and lengths.
Currently, Gauze spends his days traveling where and when he likes. He is bound to no one, and yet feels he has a duty to everyone. He never stays in one place, because then he feels he'll miss out on helping those that need it most. He thinks maybe he might settle down when he's older, but for now, the life of a wanderer is the life he leads.
Critique level | Criticise all aspects of my character
