Post by rixyrex on Jun 26, 2013 5:39:29 GMT -10
Hello, my lovelies. Rixy here, with some information regarding my prolonged disappearance. Before I begin, I want to apologize to everyone for vanishing. It's been quite some time since I roleplayed, and I feel like i abandoned FoF in some sense, you know?
Anyway, to be honest, I'm not sure how long I was gone for. It had to have been a year or so, and again, I'm very sorry for leaving. My life took a rather dramatic turn, and a lot of my priorities got turned around. I'm not making excuses for myself, please understand; I'm merely providing you all with the information that I believe you deserve. That said, let's begin.
Sophomore Year: I'll be honest; when I entered highschool, everything sort of went to hell for me. My second year of highschool ((I'm a senior now)) was an absolute nightmare. I started cutting myself freshman year, quitting for four months over the summer. When sophomore year started, I picked it up again, only this time it was much worse. I still have really ugly scars all over my thighs from this. Now, I know that self-harm has become some sort of horrible fad lately, but it was never like that for me. I never did it for attention or anything... in fact, I went to great lengths to hide what I was doing. In January of 2012 I tried to kill myself. When that didn't work, I'm sure you can imagine how hopeless I felt; I couldn't even kill myself right. I was in a bad place. About a month later-- on Valentine's Day, no less --my parents found out that I was cutting. My dad found my blades, which I had hidden in an empty soap box in the cabinet over my sink. There was a lot of crying and heart-to-heart stuff that night, and my parents and I decided to take a shot at therapy. I was diagnosed with Chronic Depression, General Anxiety, Social Anxiety, and Panic Disorder. My psychiatrist put me on two different medications for the depression and anxiety, and some stuff to help me sleep at night, as I was going up to two days without any sleep at all, and getting at most 4 hours of sleep on the nights when I did sleep. However, by this point I had started taking other drugs-- my friends would give me Xanax and Oxycontin, and I had smoked weed a couple of times. Basically I was self-medicating.
Junior Year: Over the summer between sophomore and junior year, I started going to parties and using drugs more regularly. I was mixing pills and alcohol, getting wasted and trashed off my ass, and several times I did stuff with guys I'd never met before, in spite of my dislike for tacky girls. I became something that I had always looked down on, and I was getting in more and more trouble; one night, I overdosed on Oxycontin. The scariest thing I've ever experienced is feeling my body shut down like that. I was certain that I was going to die; however, I was somehow able to pick myself up and get to the bathroom, where I spent god-knows-how-long puking up all the crap that I had taken and drunk. There was another night when I almost got myself raped. I don't really like talking about it, as I'm sure you can understand. I'll spare you the details.
Once my junior year actually began, I started smoking on a regular basis with a girl that I had recently become friends with. Over the course of the school year, she became my best friend and my drug buddy. We did everything together; going to parties, getting wasted, popping pills. It was not a healthy friendship. A couple of months ago, my dad tore my room apart looking for drugs and, sure enough, he found my pipes and my weed. Over the past several weeks, my parents have been working to help me get through this-- I was actually addicted to Oxy and Hydrocodone. I had started cutting again, much to their dismay, but I'm trying to put all of that behind me now. I lost myself inside of a stranger that I turned into. Everything that once mattered to me-- like FoF --became irrelevant. I'm trying to get back to my roots now; to rediscover who I was and help myself stay clean. I don't hang out with any of my old friends anymore, and in a couple of weeks we're going to be moving away from here altogether. New city, new school, and a chance for me to start fresh, you know? I want to keep in touch with all of you guys here at FoF, though. This little community is part of who I am.
I tried to keep this short and sweet. If you have any comments or questions or anything, please don't hesitate. I've really missed you guys, and I'm glad to be back.
Anyway, to be honest, I'm not sure how long I was gone for. It had to have been a year or so, and again, I'm very sorry for leaving. My life took a rather dramatic turn, and a lot of my priorities got turned around. I'm not making excuses for myself, please understand; I'm merely providing you all with the information that I believe you deserve. That said, let's begin.
Sophomore Year: I'll be honest; when I entered highschool, everything sort of went to hell for me. My second year of highschool ((I'm a senior now)) was an absolute nightmare. I started cutting myself freshman year, quitting for four months over the summer. When sophomore year started, I picked it up again, only this time it was much worse. I still have really ugly scars all over my thighs from this. Now, I know that self-harm has become some sort of horrible fad lately, but it was never like that for me. I never did it for attention or anything... in fact, I went to great lengths to hide what I was doing. In January of 2012 I tried to kill myself. When that didn't work, I'm sure you can imagine how hopeless I felt; I couldn't even kill myself right. I was in a bad place. About a month later-- on Valentine's Day, no less --my parents found out that I was cutting. My dad found my blades, which I had hidden in an empty soap box in the cabinet over my sink. There was a lot of crying and heart-to-heart stuff that night, and my parents and I decided to take a shot at therapy. I was diagnosed with Chronic Depression, General Anxiety, Social Anxiety, and Panic Disorder. My psychiatrist put me on two different medications for the depression and anxiety, and some stuff to help me sleep at night, as I was going up to two days without any sleep at all, and getting at most 4 hours of sleep on the nights when I did sleep. However, by this point I had started taking other drugs-- my friends would give me Xanax and Oxycontin, and I had smoked weed a couple of times. Basically I was self-medicating.
Junior Year: Over the summer between sophomore and junior year, I started going to parties and using drugs more regularly. I was mixing pills and alcohol, getting wasted and trashed off my ass, and several times I did stuff with guys I'd never met before, in spite of my dislike for tacky girls. I became something that I had always looked down on, and I was getting in more and more trouble; one night, I overdosed on Oxycontin. The scariest thing I've ever experienced is feeling my body shut down like that. I was certain that I was going to die; however, I was somehow able to pick myself up and get to the bathroom, where I spent god-knows-how-long puking up all the crap that I had taken and drunk. There was another night when I almost got myself raped. I don't really like talking about it, as I'm sure you can understand. I'll spare you the details.
Once my junior year actually began, I started smoking on a regular basis with a girl that I had recently become friends with. Over the course of the school year, she became my best friend and my drug buddy. We did everything together; going to parties, getting wasted, popping pills. It was not a healthy friendship. A couple of months ago, my dad tore my room apart looking for drugs and, sure enough, he found my pipes and my weed. Over the past several weeks, my parents have been working to help me get through this-- I was actually addicted to Oxy and Hydrocodone. I had started cutting again, much to their dismay, but I'm trying to put all of that behind me now. I lost myself inside of a stranger that I turned into. Everything that once mattered to me-- like FoF --became irrelevant. I'm trying to get back to my roots now; to rediscover who I was and help myself stay clean. I don't hang out with any of my old friends anymore, and in a couple of weeks we're going to be moving away from here altogether. New city, new school, and a chance for me to start fresh, you know? I want to keep in touch with all of you guys here at FoF, though. This little community is part of who I am.
I tried to keep this short and sweet. If you have any comments or questions or anything, please don't hesitate. I've really missed you guys, and I'm glad to be back.
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