Post by Glowy on Jun 21, 2011 15:02:05 GMT -10
Firefang sighed. Today was just depressing. It was raining, but not hard enough to disrupt normal clan life, just a light drizzle. Still, the sky was dank and gray. It was almost the color of his mother's coat. Her memory shot pangs through his heart. Oh, if only she hadn't died. They would still be a happy family living by themselves, he was sure. By now his parents would need to be cared for every day. He didn't know if Briar would have stuck around long enough to see that. Briar had left and gone off on his own adventures so often that he sometimes had forgotten he had a brother.
His clanmates all looked so happy in their interactions. There were good friends sharing tongues, couples greeting each other with affectionate smiles, young ones playing games, apprentices eagerly awaiting training, and none of them even noticed the poor lonely soul sitting by himself. It wasn't like he was in a corner, or hiding in the shadows. He was in plain view of everyone, but not a one thought to greet him. He'd even made an effort this morning to start a conversation or two! Had anybody responded though? No, of course not. They'd just stared at him in shocked silence, which made him feel awkward, so he'd left. And now they'd once more forgotten he existed.
He'd dreamed of his sister last night. Oh, how he missed her. She'd been running ahead of him, playing, chasing a butterfly like she always used to do. He'd chased, calling out to her, but she never turned back to look at him. Had she forgotten him? She'd paused, though, and let the butterfly go, staring after it in sorrow. He knew this though he could not see her face. Something really strange happened then though. The butterfly landed on his face, causing Snowy to look at him. He didn't know what it was that she saw, but she had walked forward, as if in a trance, and had reached up to touch his face with her paw. She did not speak, but her eyes had glistened and her brows had drawn together, head tilted to one side. The butterfly had flown away then, but Snowy did not chase it. It was then that he noticed the color of the butterfly's wings. They were deep orange. He'd been about to speak, but the stupid sun had chosen that moment to brighten the world as much as it could through the cloud cover and he had woken.
Firefang wanted nothing more in the world then to go back and redo his entire life. If that was not possible, then at least go back and save his sister. The degree of loss and inadequacy he felt when he thought of her threatened to crumble him to dust. Poor, innocent Snowy. She had never wronged anybody in her entire life. She had not deserved to die. It was through his failings, his inability to protect her, not through justice that she had met her end.
Thus he sat in silent repose, contemplating his failings, his past, and his future in PineClan. What was he doing here? Nobody cared for him. They barely even knew he existed. But if he left, where then would he go? He had nothing left, only his clan, sad as that was. Hah, if only Briar could see him now. He would hardly believe what his brother had become. He'd always been the strong one, but now he felt lower than dirt, as powerless as the still air. Briar would undoubtedly try to tell him that it wasn't all bad, that there was still hope left. After all, compassion could only find a foothold where suffering existed. That's what Briar would say. Why then did nobody show him compassion?
"That's right, little brother. Without suffering there would be no compassion. Tell that to the one who suffers!" he whispered bitterly, shaking his head. The reply that he received was unwelcome, but the truth usually was. He had done nothing to alleviate Briar's and Snowy's suffering. Did he deserve this, then? At least now he understood what suffering felt like. Now he knew what it was to feel unloved.
It made him feel even worse. He became less of a cat and more of a puddle of ginger fur on the ground. He wanted to be closer to the thing he felt the most like- the dirt. A sigh moved his frame for a few heartbeats, but then he became still. He bet nobody would even notice. But why should he expect anything different?
---
Littleflower flinched as something dripped on her nose. She glanced up at the sky and realized it was raining. Wonderful, she thought to herself. She pranced happily into the camp. Rain meant water, and water meant life. She was glad it was raining, maybe then more prey would come and more herbs would grow for the medicine cats. She approached the fresh kill pile. She dropped her sickly-looking finch. She stretched out and yawned. She looked down at the small finch. It looked sick. She wondered if she should've caught it. She looked around at her clanmates. She couldn't let them get sick because of a piece of kill that she and brought back. That had already happened twice. She wasn't the best hunter so she could only catch the injured, sick, or slow prey. She knew she couldn't go dump it, because she had already killed it and she feared it would anger StarClan. She sighed and picked it up. The soft grey feathers tickled her nose and tongue. She'd eat it, she was the one who caught it and if anyone was going to get sick it should be her.
Taking long, quick strides, she made her way to an isolated corner of the camp. She gently dropped herself into the moss covered dirt and lay the small bird at her paws. She gazed down at it and slowly took a bite. It tasted fine, but she still feared there had been something wrong with it. She soon finished her meal, and glanced back at the pile. She weighed the idea of going back to get seconds so she could have her fill, but decided otherwise. She didn't want to fill up her stomach, she probably shouldn't eat for the rest of the day. She didn't want to waste precious prey by possibly throwing up her guts later that night. She folded her paw over the other and straightened up.
Her gaze swept across the camp. The light drizzling didn't seem to be disturbing anyone, especially the kits. She purred and watched as three kits rolled over each other and batted at their tails. She loved watching kits play. It amused her and made her heart flutter. She loved kits and their cuteness. Her thoughts were disrupted by a loud wail. The kit's mother rushed forward to console her whimpering kit. Apparently one of the kit's brothers had decided to take a chunk out of her tail. Poor little dear. She watched as the young queen swiped her tongue along the kit's ear and wrapped her tail around her baby. Littleflower sighed. She hoped for that sort of relationship one of these days. She wanted a kit to cuddle up to and comfort when something bad happened.
She turned her attention to the rest of her clan and left the queen to scold her son. Everyone was talking together and sharing kill. She noticed that everyone was so well bonded and loving towards each other. She loved the tightness and support of her Clan. Then, something caught her eye. Firefang, he was sitting all by his lonesome. She felt sorry for him. There he was all by himself with nobody paying attention to him. She felt so bad and stood. He looked like he needed a friend, she was determined to be that friend. She trotted over to him and bent her neck down, catching his gaze. "May I sit?" She asked softly and cocked her head.
---
Firefang rolled over, tired of staring at the same pale spot on the dirt, and ended up face to face with a cat. Another cat. His clanmate. Somebody had come over to talk to him. Somebody had noticed.
... who were these cats and what had they done with his clanmates? Actually, what was this and where was his reality? He was so stunned that he just kept laying there, blinking, for an uncomfortable amount of time. Then he decided he'd better say something so she wouldn't think he didn't want her around. So he sat up really quickly and scooted over. She would want some of the ground he'd warmed up by laying on it, for sure.
"Be my guest." He smiled, trying to smooth over the situation. Way to make it awkward, Firefang. Somebody actually decides to talk to you, and what do you do? You lay there on your back and stare, and blink, and say nothing. Yeah, that'll get you brownie points.
"I'm sorry if I seemed rude, Littleflower. I'm just... yeah. Not really used to anyone talking to me. Or noticing me. At all." He coughed and pursed his lips, trying to think of something to say. The rain had let up a little bit, and the sun was trying to make a hole in the clouds. It was nice to see the paler circle in the clouds. A smile tugged at his lips as he lifted his face to the sky, momentarily forgetting that he had company.
"Oh. Sorry. The sky. It's pretty. Sun's coming back out. It's nice," he finished lamely with an insecure grin. He'd known that he wasn't used to interaction, but this... this was just p-to-the-a-thetic! He could barely hold a conversation. Heck, he could barely form a coherent sentence. Pathetic, Firefang. Pathetic. Now Littleflower was sure to leave and go talk to some more confident tom, and leave you all alone. Nice.
---
Be my guest. Littleflower purred and settled down next to him. Yay, maybe she could make a new friend. Not many cats had been that willing to talk to her or be her friend either. She and Firefang would probably be good friends. She thought of something to say, sensing the quietness and trying to make Firefang more comfortable. "It's wet today." Oh, nice one. Working the weather! You've just screwed yourself, Littleflower. She looked down at her paws.
She pricked her ears at the tom's words. She lifted her gaze up to meet his. "Don't worry. I understand. It can be tough knowing what to say when someone approaches you. Especially if you aren't used to it. Trust me I know how you feel, Firefang. Not alot of cats notice me either. They don't like that I had that goody-two-shoe life of a kittypet." She looked down, someone else knew how she felt. She was surprised that she wasn't the only one who wasn't noticed. Everyone else was so tightly bonded, and there she was sticking out like a sore thumb. She sensed that the orange tom felt the same way.
She purred and looked at the sky. "Yeah the sky is very beautiful. I enjoy looking at it, especially when there is grass to lay in and clouds to look at. It's very relaxing." She started to sense unease from Firefang. She hoped he wasn't upset that she had interrupted him. "It's sad that not alot of cats notice you." She pointed out softly. "You seem very sweet." She added lifting the corner of her mouth into a slight smile.
---
Okay. So far, she hadn't laughed at him, seemed put off by his awkward behavior, sighed in impatience, or walked away. In fact, she was smiling at him. Smiling! At him! Oh, the joy! Somebody liked his company, and even sympathized with him. Apparently, PineClan was less inclined to like her because she had been born in the human place. How stupid was that? Valor, bravery, honor, and heart had nothing to do with whether a cat's mother was a house pet or not! Could they not see that?
"Not like you because you used to be a kittypet? Ridiculous. Don't let it get to you." He smiled, trying to be reassuring. It had been so long since he'd had to lift somebody's spirits, and even then it had been easier since the only one he's had to encourage was the one he had known and been tied to since birth. "They think that just because the beginning of your life was easy you can't endure hardship. But look at you! You went from a house pet to this, a noble Warrior of PineClan! That makes it even more impressive, in my opinion. The past is nothing when compared to the present. Yesterday is history. Just memories now."
Wait, wait, wait. Had he really just said the past was nothing? Then how did it plague him so? Why was it that every time he thought about his past, his chest felt like it was being torn in two from the inside out? Where did this shame come from? And... whoah, was she really saying he seemed sweet? That was unexpected, to say the least. Still, it made him smile. He couldn't help it. Nobody had ever described him that way before. Bold, yes. Strong, yes. Brave, yes. Honorable, virtuous, and noble, yes. But never... sweet. It was nice to have a different adjective attributed to him.
"Yeah, the sky is nice. And, uh... thanks. Nobody's ever said that to me before." His paws scuffled in the dirt, and he felt for all the world like a sheepish apprentice being praised by their mentor. Luckily the ground was damp so no dust was kicked up. Things just generally didn't look good covered in dust, and some of it would have gotten in their faces, and he hated it when he got stuff in his face.
"I'm curious, though," he tilted his head to one side. "Why did you leave the twoleg place? Why did you come out here and join PineClan?" It was an odd choice. Most of the non-clanborn cats in the clans had been loners, like him. But not her. So what had prompted her to leave her suburban shelter and live in the wild?
---
Littleflower purred and felt a spark in her heart. Someone was actually attempting to make her feel good about herself, not that she already didn't, but it was reassuring to know that someone other than her brother or apprentice cared for her. "Thank you, that makes me feel better. And definitely not in a sarcastic way."
Her ears pricked and she looked at the orange cat in front of her. "Well, I had been born in captivity and I liked it just fine. I liked the warm fire and easy food even though it tasted like mouse dung. But it was too soft for me. I wanted something more to my life. I had heard of other cats who lived in the forest who hunted their own food and slept under the stars. The thought fascinated me, so I decided to give it a try." Give it a try...what a nice way to put that...NOT!
"So as I was leaving my brother caught me and asked what I was doing. After telling him my plans, he decided to leave with me. Even though he was more reluctant of leaving the kittypet life, he came with me. He knew he couldn't talk me out of it. So we left and found the Clans. There were many times I just wanted to give up, but I had to prove to everyone that I could be the best warrior I could be, even though I came from a comfortable life. I had to prove them wrong. So I kept working and here I am today. Taking to you." She looked at him, "Your turn. How'd you find the Clans?"
---
Firefang listened with all attentiveness to Littleflower's story. Apparently, word of mouth had been enough to persuade her to leave her comfortable, cushioned life and move to the wild. And... she'd brought her brother with her? Lucky her, to still have a connection to her family. He wondered what he would have done if he'd found his brother before he ran off. Would he have welcomed him as part of the family, or would he have driven him off?
Why had Briar even left? Had he felt like he had no choice? Had he done something wrong? Had he felt unwelcomed by his family? Perhaps that was why he had left so often. Was it impossible for him to think about his past without feeling guilt?
Apparently so.
"That's... that's interesting," he stated simply. "So you honestly came out here because you heard stories? No other motivation except curiosity? That's," he paused, searching for the right word, "... commendable." He nodded, smiling. Yes, that had been a good word choice. It covered up his own curiosity effectively enough while still showing how he was impressed. Why he needed to cover up his curiosity, he had no idea, but it seemed necessary.
"My story? Oh, I'm afraid it's a bit depressing. I don't want to ruin your day with a sob story. Are you sure that you want me to tell you?" His father would have been proud of him right then. He'd taken Littleflower's "feminine sensitivities," as he would have said, into consideration and had warned her, just like a true gentleman should. Of course, his father's teachings held less merit after what he had become. Still, he thought that it would be nice to warn her that she might like his story a bit less than her own, which only held a struggle for merit in the clan.
Why was his life so messed up, anyways? Why couldn't he be normal? What had distinguished him in the eyes of the fates, or whatever it was the controlled his destiny, that had set him apart for so much pain? He wasn't anything really spectacular. He wasn't amazingly strong, or unfeeling. It wasn't like things didn't affect him. He had spent countless nights feeling completely lost.
Maybe all that distinguished him was that he survived.
---
Commendable. That was interesting word choice. She liked it. Apparently this cat was way smarter than she was. She had no idea what that word meant. Hopefully, something good. She liked being confused, especially when it was another cat confusing her. She purred and fluffed out her neckfur. "If I didn't like what I saw, I would've left. But when I saw what it was like I knew this was my life."
She paused and looked down. "I may not have gone back to my kittypet home. I may have become a loner or a rogue, I have no idea. I was a kitten seeking a better life. I didn't like being cooped up in doors. I wanted to live in the open and hunt my own food. I wanted to tough it out in the wilderness. Living with no walls or restraints was exactly what I was looking for." She looked down at the ground. For some reason, now she could not see herself as a rogue or a loner. She could when she was younger, but not now.
Her ears pricked. "Sob story, huh? Well, I'm a little too happy right now. I need to tone it down a bit." She purred and decided not to add that the sob stories are the most interesting. It may be offensive considered this was probably a sore subject for him. Maybe what she just said was a little too much. "I'd like to hear it, that is if you don't mind telling it."
---
"Again, impressive," he mewed, nodding his head. He truly was impressed. He'd always thought that Littleflower was just another she-cat who'd lived within the bounds of clan life since she'd been born. It was just now that he'd learned of her background, and that elevated her in his eyes. To choose a life in the wild was remarkable indeed, and especially for a house cat with family. The fact that she was attracted to living in the elements, that she spurned her comfortable walls that may have boxed her in but protected her from reality, and chose to endure hardship of the acutest kind was... incredible. He hadn't had a choice in the matter. Of course, had he had a choice, he would have chosen to live in the wild, but still. He saw Littleflower in a new light.
"My story doesn't have a very remarkable beginning. My parents were a couple of normal loners, very peaceful and kind. Didn't cause anybody any trouble. I had a brother named Briar and a sister named Snowy. Snowy and I stuck together a lot because Briar never wanted to play our games. We were a simple little family."
"My dad was really awesome, though, in the beginning. He would take me away and give me lessons on how to be a proper tom. He taught me about honor and chivalry, and strength. Bravery. That kind of stuff." He looked down, embarrassed, and scuffed his paws in the dirt. "You know, because when you're a little kit you want to be exactly like your mom or dad." A smile lit up his face with the warmth of the memories. It was almost like he was five moons old again, staring up into the face of his father, the privileged one. The chosen one, the one destined for greatness, the bravest of all the kits. For the first time in a while, he remembered what it had felt like.
"But then things got bad. My mom decided that she was going to get sick and die, which drove my dad mad. Literally. He did a complete flip. Where he had before been the picture of fatherly goodness, he turned into a monster. He would beat up on Snowy and Briar all the time, and when I tried to stop him, he would just make it worse for them. So eventually I just stopped trying to stand up for them. Snowy would come to me every time afterwards for comfort. I would have helped Briar, too, even though there was a disconnect between us, but I could never find him." He sighed, relieved that he'd revealed his one great flaw. He couldn't be there when he was needed- he backed down. So much for bravery.
"One day, Snowy and I went out hunting while Dad was asleep, and when we got back, he was dead. He'd gotten into a fight with somebody, because there was fur between his claws, but we didn't recognize it. It almost looked like my fur, but I sure as ticks wasn't the one who'd fought him. We couldn't find Briar either, waited for him to turn up for days and days. Snowy was worried about him, thought he'd been killed too, but I know he got away okay. That's a small consolation, I suppose, that he is probably safe and happy somewhere with a family of his own right now. He deserves it after all he endured for those who didn't give him a second thought, hardly. You know, he stood up for Snowy before I did, and that was why Dad beat him too. And while Mom was sick, he would come back with food and sometimes even plants he'd gotten from traveling healers to help." He shook his head, severely saddened by the weight of how he had treated his brother. And just because he was small. "He did more to help our family than I did."
"So Snowy and I eventually came across this group of... well, they said they were loners who had banded together for protection, but they were really just rogues. Snowy wanted to stick around with them, because they were big and strong, and she believed their story about being harmless loners. This part of the story gets kind of complicated, because the leader of the group fell in love with her and tried to take her away from me, but she didn't want him. We tried to leave, but we got caught the first time, and we were no longer members of the group, but prisoners."
"So somehow, we got into this fight, the group and us, with another group of marauding rogues. Something about territory or something, I don't even know. In any case, during the battle, Snowy was killed. After things had simmered down a little bit, I pleaded with the leader of the group to let me go. I wanted no part of their brutality. He agreed, on the memory of my beloved sister. It was what she would have wanted, he said, and he wanted to honor the memory of the only she-cat who had made him see stars on the ground. I remember his words very distinctly, you see, because it was at that moment that I realized he truly did love her, and he realized that I wasn't such a bad guy after all. He gave me directions away from the rogue lands, and told me if I ever needed anything, to look for him. That it, if he wasn't dead." A smirk played at his lips now, and he gave a dry chuckle at the memory. They might have been friends, had circumstances allowed. Unfortunately, the rogue had seen him as a threat, since Snowy loved him and couldn't stand the thought of parting from her brother. Ah well, c'est la vie.
"It was hard for me, after that, to even find the will to live. My entire life I'd had her by my side. I loved her more than anything, and now she was gone. I had nobody left to protect. That had been my sole purpose since my mother had died, you see, and I became nothing more than a ghost, if you believe in such things. I was a shell wandering the planet in search of something. And it was in this sorry state that I found the clans. It wasn't much, but it was a purpose, and there was honor. So I joined, and here I have been ever since."
He concluded his tale with a bit of an odd expression on his face and the most peculiar feeling in his chest. It was a collection of warmth in his throat, most acutely where his throat met his collarbone, and it seemed to be pulling him somewhere. Perhaps into the past. His eyes misted over a bit, and a sad sort of smile came across his face.
"You know, I've just remembered something from when Snowy and I were on our own. We saw a butterfly, you know, and I said that I wondered what it felt like to be a butterfly. To fly, but only to live for such a short amount of time, and to be so very beautiful. And I just... I remember the look on her face as she stared after that butterfly, and then she started to chase it. When I asked her what she was doing, she said she was going to catch a butterfly for me one day and ask it, so that I could know. Chasing butterflies... for me." His voice choked with emotion, lost in his reverie.
"She never did catch one." Only then did he remember that he was in the company of one of his clanmates, and he was most violently embarrassed. He hadn't meant to go into such emotional detail, not by a long shot. Now Littleflower was sure to think he was just a sap.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." and he trailed off, unsure of what to say, and unsure even of whether he should apologize for unloading all this emotional junk on some poor cat he'd just made his acquaintance.
---
Littleflower gazed up at him. Wow, he had gone through so much. She could tell her really loved his sister. She knew it pained him to think of her. She looked at the ground, feelings the waves of emotion coming from him. She felt bad that she had asked him to share this. She didn't mean to make him upset. She lifted her head when she heard his voice crack. She nuzzled him softly in comfort. "I'm so sorry, Firefang. That must've been horrible. I'm sorry I made you talk about it. And it's okay, I liked listening." Littleflower looked at the ground again and a bright idea popped into her head.
She jumped up. "I'll be right back, Firefang! Right back. Don't move, don't breathe, don't do anything! I'll be right back!" And with that she took off out of the camp. She looked around, sniffing for what she was looking for. Aha! She found it.
A couple minutes later, she returned to find Firefang in his original spot. She approached him and dropped a small, lifeless butterfly on his paws. She settled herself next to him again. "I know I'm not Snowy or anything, but consider this a token of friendship." She let out a small purr and lifted her mouth into a small, sympathetic smile.
---
Firefang's entire body shuddered as he tried in vain to get his emotions in check. The sorrow he currently felt was beyond anything most of his clanmates had ever suffered, he was certain. He could hardly form a single thought, it was so overpowering. Littleflower tried to apologize, but somebody would have had to hear his story eventually. It might as well be somebody who wouldn't judge him for it. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault. Nothing anybody can do to change it now anyway. And, yes, it was horrible."
Wow. Way to be blunt and lame. Now she was sure to think that you thought she had done something wrong. That was handled really nicely. But, of course, she had no reason to think that you were perfect, by any means. The story should have refuted that misconception quite nicely.
And now she was walking away. Just his luck. She told him to stay there, though, so he did. Maybe she meant to come back. As he watched her, he realized that she was actually looking for something. What was she doing? It was a curious thing to see her sniffing about the entire campsite, so intent on finding something. What, was she going to go all Crowpaw on him and bring him a flower? That would be amusing. It did make him feel better, though, that she was looking for something to cheer him up. At least, he thought that's what she was doing. He could certainly hope, couldn't he?
And now she was back, and something was in her mouth. Tiny, fragile wings, a small body, six legs... she'd brought him a butterfly. That was probably the most touching thing anybody had ever done for him. Snowy had done things almost like that frequently, but they had been raised together and were bound by blood. Littleflower... she was somebody he had just met. She didn't have to care about him, or want to make him feel better, but she did. It brought a smile to his face.
"Thank you, Littleflower. It's... it's very touching. I appreciate it very much. Thank you." A token of friendship? Well, token accepted.
He, Firefang, had a friend. For the first time in his life, he had a friend, and they weren't related to him. Wow. So, what did he do now?
"What did it say? When you caught it." He smiled now, not just in general, but at her[/b]. He knew that he could do that and it wouldn't be unwelcome. She actually cared. And she wanted to be his friend! It would seem that blessings were held in the raindrops today.
---
Littleflower purred it sounded like she had a friend. A friend! Someone other than her apprentice Silverpaw, or her brother. Someone who didn't hate her for being a former kittypet. She felt a purr start to rumble in her throat. She had touched him, she had actually made a cat smile. She felt something she had never felt before. It made her happy too. She had no idea what it was, maybe it was just gas. "Well, I'm glad I could be of service." She said with excitement flooding her voice.
She lifted her head. "What did it say? Hm..." She had to think about that one. "What did it say? Oh yes," She stood to act it out. "It said, 'Oh beautiful Littleflower please don't kill me! I am too young to die!'" She acted sheepish and scared. "Then I said, 'No, little butterfly, you must die for my friend. I shall kill you know!'" She pounced, batting the air at an imaginary butterfly. "Then as I caught it, it said, 'Oh no! Goodbye cruel world!'" She made little choking noises and dropped to the ground. She stood again, "It was a very talkative little bug." She placed herself next to Firefang yet again, hoping she wasn't too over the top with her improv.
---
Well. That was certainly unexpected. The unabashed goofiness with which Littleflower chose to reply was shocking, but not necessarily in a bad way. Certainly, he had expected a slightly more serious reply, but it would do him good to lighten up every once in a while. The world wasn't all seriousness. He just had to get used to being teased again, he supposed. When her little tirade began he scarcely knew how to react; how did one respond to being teased? But by the end he was grinning and laughing like nothing else. Oh, how he had missed that feeling. Happiness, that was what it was called. Joviality, mirth, joy, elation- all of these and more he felt. It was quite literally the most liberating thing he had experienced since coming to the clans.
"Sounds like it was quite talkative," he purred, still chuckling to himself at her silliness. Oh, what a great friend she already was! She had managed to drag him out of the pit of his self-reflection and had forced him to once more see the good in things, and all she'd done was talk to him for a few heartbeats. She made him smile. That was important to him. He had not smiled in so long that his face had forgotten the feeling of it, the pleasure that such a simple act produced. He ought to smile more often. It oughtn't be that he should be so grave and silent all the time. Maybe if he was brighter, he could make more friends! Not that he needed any, because he now had Littleflower and would be perfectly content to keep her friendship until she died. Right now, she was all he needed in a friend.
"Thank you for being willing to be my friend, Littleflower. I haven't had anybody hardly talk to me since Snowy died, so this is special beyond words." He hoped that the intensity of his gaze would help to convey the full weight of his words. She had shown him more kindness than any cat before in his life, except perhaps little Briar, for he had scorned his brother whereas Littleflower he had simply passed off as another unfeeling clanmate. A shy smile took hold of his previously serious face, for he was uncertain of the reception of his words. He hoped they would be taken well. All the signs pointed to it, but there was no foolproof method of telling how things would be received.
All he wanted right now was for Littleflower to like him.
[/size]
His clanmates all looked so happy in their interactions. There were good friends sharing tongues, couples greeting each other with affectionate smiles, young ones playing games, apprentices eagerly awaiting training, and none of them even noticed the poor lonely soul sitting by himself. It wasn't like he was in a corner, or hiding in the shadows. He was in plain view of everyone, but not a one thought to greet him. He'd even made an effort this morning to start a conversation or two! Had anybody responded though? No, of course not. They'd just stared at him in shocked silence, which made him feel awkward, so he'd left. And now they'd once more forgotten he existed.
He'd dreamed of his sister last night. Oh, how he missed her. She'd been running ahead of him, playing, chasing a butterfly like she always used to do. He'd chased, calling out to her, but she never turned back to look at him. Had she forgotten him? She'd paused, though, and let the butterfly go, staring after it in sorrow. He knew this though he could not see her face. Something really strange happened then though. The butterfly landed on his face, causing Snowy to look at him. He didn't know what it was that she saw, but she had walked forward, as if in a trance, and had reached up to touch his face with her paw. She did not speak, but her eyes had glistened and her brows had drawn together, head tilted to one side. The butterfly had flown away then, but Snowy did not chase it. It was then that he noticed the color of the butterfly's wings. They were deep orange. He'd been about to speak, but the stupid sun had chosen that moment to brighten the world as much as it could through the cloud cover and he had woken.
Firefang wanted nothing more in the world then to go back and redo his entire life. If that was not possible, then at least go back and save his sister. The degree of loss and inadequacy he felt when he thought of her threatened to crumble him to dust. Poor, innocent Snowy. She had never wronged anybody in her entire life. She had not deserved to die. It was through his failings, his inability to protect her, not through justice that she had met her end.
Thus he sat in silent repose, contemplating his failings, his past, and his future in PineClan. What was he doing here? Nobody cared for him. They barely even knew he existed. But if he left, where then would he go? He had nothing left, only his clan, sad as that was. Hah, if only Briar could see him now. He would hardly believe what his brother had become. He'd always been the strong one, but now he felt lower than dirt, as powerless as the still air. Briar would undoubtedly try to tell him that it wasn't all bad, that there was still hope left. After all, compassion could only find a foothold where suffering existed. That's what Briar would say. Why then did nobody show him compassion?
"That's right, little brother. Without suffering there would be no compassion. Tell that to the one who suffers!" he whispered bitterly, shaking his head. The reply that he received was unwelcome, but the truth usually was. He had done nothing to alleviate Briar's and Snowy's suffering. Did he deserve this, then? At least now he understood what suffering felt like. Now he knew what it was to feel unloved.
It made him feel even worse. He became less of a cat and more of a puddle of ginger fur on the ground. He wanted to be closer to the thing he felt the most like- the dirt. A sigh moved his frame for a few heartbeats, but then he became still. He bet nobody would even notice. But why should he expect anything different?
---
Littleflower flinched as something dripped on her nose. She glanced up at the sky and realized it was raining. Wonderful, she thought to herself. She pranced happily into the camp. Rain meant water, and water meant life. She was glad it was raining, maybe then more prey would come and more herbs would grow for the medicine cats. She approached the fresh kill pile. She dropped her sickly-looking finch. She stretched out and yawned. She looked down at the small finch. It looked sick. She wondered if she should've caught it. She looked around at her clanmates. She couldn't let them get sick because of a piece of kill that she and brought back. That had already happened twice. She wasn't the best hunter so she could only catch the injured, sick, or slow prey. She knew she couldn't go dump it, because she had already killed it and she feared it would anger StarClan. She sighed and picked it up. The soft grey feathers tickled her nose and tongue. She'd eat it, she was the one who caught it and if anyone was going to get sick it should be her.
Taking long, quick strides, she made her way to an isolated corner of the camp. She gently dropped herself into the moss covered dirt and lay the small bird at her paws. She gazed down at it and slowly took a bite. It tasted fine, but she still feared there had been something wrong with it. She soon finished her meal, and glanced back at the pile. She weighed the idea of going back to get seconds so she could have her fill, but decided otherwise. She didn't want to fill up her stomach, she probably shouldn't eat for the rest of the day. She didn't want to waste precious prey by possibly throwing up her guts later that night. She folded her paw over the other and straightened up.
Her gaze swept across the camp. The light drizzling didn't seem to be disturbing anyone, especially the kits. She purred and watched as three kits rolled over each other and batted at their tails. She loved watching kits play. It amused her and made her heart flutter. She loved kits and their cuteness. Her thoughts were disrupted by a loud wail. The kit's mother rushed forward to console her whimpering kit. Apparently one of the kit's brothers had decided to take a chunk out of her tail. Poor little dear. She watched as the young queen swiped her tongue along the kit's ear and wrapped her tail around her baby. Littleflower sighed. She hoped for that sort of relationship one of these days. She wanted a kit to cuddle up to and comfort when something bad happened.
She turned her attention to the rest of her clan and left the queen to scold her son. Everyone was talking together and sharing kill. She noticed that everyone was so well bonded and loving towards each other. She loved the tightness and support of her Clan. Then, something caught her eye. Firefang, he was sitting all by his lonesome. She felt sorry for him. There he was all by himself with nobody paying attention to him. She felt so bad and stood. He looked like he needed a friend, she was determined to be that friend. She trotted over to him and bent her neck down, catching his gaze. "May I sit?" She asked softly and cocked her head.
---
Firefang rolled over, tired of staring at the same pale spot on the dirt, and ended up face to face with a cat. Another cat. His clanmate. Somebody had come over to talk to him. Somebody had noticed.
... who were these cats and what had they done with his clanmates? Actually, what was this and where was his reality? He was so stunned that he just kept laying there, blinking, for an uncomfortable amount of time. Then he decided he'd better say something so she wouldn't think he didn't want her around. So he sat up really quickly and scooted over. She would want some of the ground he'd warmed up by laying on it, for sure.
"Be my guest." He smiled, trying to smooth over the situation. Way to make it awkward, Firefang. Somebody actually decides to talk to you, and what do you do? You lay there on your back and stare, and blink, and say nothing. Yeah, that'll get you brownie points.
"I'm sorry if I seemed rude, Littleflower. I'm just... yeah. Not really used to anyone talking to me. Or noticing me. At all." He coughed and pursed his lips, trying to think of something to say. The rain had let up a little bit, and the sun was trying to make a hole in the clouds. It was nice to see the paler circle in the clouds. A smile tugged at his lips as he lifted his face to the sky, momentarily forgetting that he had company.
"Oh. Sorry. The sky. It's pretty. Sun's coming back out. It's nice," he finished lamely with an insecure grin. He'd known that he wasn't used to interaction, but this... this was just p-to-the-a-thetic! He could barely hold a conversation. Heck, he could barely form a coherent sentence. Pathetic, Firefang. Pathetic. Now Littleflower was sure to leave and go talk to some more confident tom, and leave you all alone. Nice.
---
Be my guest. Littleflower purred and settled down next to him. Yay, maybe she could make a new friend. Not many cats had been that willing to talk to her or be her friend either. She and Firefang would probably be good friends. She thought of something to say, sensing the quietness and trying to make Firefang more comfortable. "It's wet today." Oh, nice one. Working the weather! You've just screwed yourself, Littleflower. She looked down at her paws.
She pricked her ears at the tom's words. She lifted her gaze up to meet his. "Don't worry. I understand. It can be tough knowing what to say when someone approaches you. Especially if you aren't used to it. Trust me I know how you feel, Firefang. Not alot of cats notice me either. They don't like that I had that goody-two-shoe life of a kittypet." She looked down, someone else knew how she felt. She was surprised that she wasn't the only one who wasn't noticed. Everyone else was so tightly bonded, and there she was sticking out like a sore thumb. She sensed that the orange tom felt the same way.
She purred and looked at the sky. "Yeah the sky is very beautiful. I enjoy looking at it, especially when there is grass to lay in and clouds to look at. It's very relaxing." She started to sense unease from Firefang. She hoped he wasn't upset that she had interrupted him. "It's sad that not alot of cats notice you." She pointed out softly. "You seem very sweet." She added lifting the corner of her mouth into a slight smile.
---
Okay. So far, she hadn't laughed at him, seemed put off by his awkward behavior, sighed in impatience, or walked away. In fact, she was smiling at him. Smiling! At him! Oh, the joy! Somebody liked his company, and even sympathized with him. Apparently, PineClan was less inclined to like her because she had been born in the human place. How stupid was that? Valor, bravery, honor, and heart had nothing to do with whether a cat's mother was a house pet or not! Could they not see that?
"Not like you because you used to be a kittypet? Ridiculous. Don't let it get to you." He smiled, trying to be reassuring. It had been so long since he'd had to lift somebody's spirits, and even then it had been easier since the only one he's had to encourage was the one he had known and been tied to since birth. "They think that just because the beginning of your life was easy you can't endure hardship. But look at you! You went from a house pet to this, a noble Warrior of PineClan! That makes it even more impressive, in my opinion. The past is nothing when compared to the present. Yesterday is history. Just memories now."
Wait, wait, wait. Had he really just said the past was nothing? Then how did it plague him so? Why was it that every time he thought about his past, his chest felt like it was being torn in two from the inside out? Where did this shame come from? And... whoah, was she really saying he seemed sweet? That was unexpected, to say the least. Still, it made him smile. He couldn't help it. Nobody had ever described him that way before. Bold, yes. Strong, yes. Brave, yes. Honorable, virtuous, and noble, yes. But never... sweet. It was nice to have a different adjective attributed to him.
"Yeah, the sky is nice. And, uh... thanks. Nobody's ever said that to me before." His paws scuffled in the dirt, and he felt for all the world like a sheepish apprentice being praised by their mentor. Luckily the ground was damp so no dust was kicked up. Things just generally didn't look good covered in dust, and some of it would have gotten in their faces, and he hated it when he got stuff in his face.
"I'm curious, though," he tilted his head to one side. "Why did you leave the twoleg place? Why did you come out here and join PineClan?" It was an odd choice. Most of the non-clanborn cats in the clans had been loners, like him. But not her. So what had prompted her to leave her suburban shelter and live in the wild?
---
Littleflower purred and felt a spark in her heart. Someone was actually attempting to make her feel good about herself, not that she already didn't, but it was reassuring to know that someone other than her brother or apprentice cared for her. "Thank you, that makes me feel better. And definitely not in a sarcastic way."
Her ears pricked and she looked at the orange cat in front of her. "Well, I had been born in captivity and I liked it just fine. I liked the warm fire and easy food even though it tasted like mouse dung. But it was too soft for me. I wanted something more to my life. I had heard of other cats who lived in the forest who hunted their own food and slept under the stars. The thought fascinated me, so I decided to give it a try." Give it a try...what a nice way to put that...NOT!
"So as I was leaving my brother caught me and asked what I was doing. After telling him my plans, he decided to leave with me. Even though he was more reluctant of leaving the kittypet life, he came with me. He knew he couldn't talk me out of it. So we left and found the Clans. There were many times I just wanted to give up, but I had to prove to everyone that I could be the best warrior I could be, even though I came from a comfortable life. I had to prove them wrong. So I kept working and here I am today. Taking to you." She looked at him, "Your turn. How'd you find the Clans?"
---
Firefang listened with all attentiveness to Littleflower's story. Apparently, word of mouth had been enough to persuade her to leave her comfortable, cushioned life and move to the wild. And... she'd brought her brother with her? Lucky her, to still have a connection to her family. He wondered what he would have done if he'd found his brother before he ran off. Would he have welcomed him as part of the family, or would he have driven him off?
Why had Briar even left? Had he felt like he had no choice? Had he done something wrong? Had he felt unwelcomed by his family? Perhaps that was why he had left so often. Was it impossible for him to think about his past without feeling guilt?
Apparently so.
"That's... that's interesting," he stated simply. "So you honestly came out here because you heard stories? No other motivation except curiosity? That's," he paused, searching for the right word, "... commendable." He nodded, smiling. Yes, that had been a good word choice. It covered up his own curiosity effectively enough while still showing how he was impressed. Why he needed to cover up his curiosity, he had no idea, but it seemed necessary.
"My story? Oh, I'm afraid it's a bit depressing. I don't want to ruin your day with a sob story. Are you sure that you want me to tell you?" His father would have been proud of him right then. He'd taken Littleflower's "feminine sensitivities," as he would have said, into consideration and had warned her, just like a true gentleman should. Of course, his father's teachings held less merit after what he had become. Still, he thought that it would be nice to warn her that she might like his story a bit less than her own, which only held a struggle for merit in the clan.
Why was his life so messed up, anyways? Why couldn't he be normal? What had distinguished him in the eyes of the fates, or whatever it was the controlled his destiny, that had set him apart for so much pain? He wasn't anything really spectacular. He wasn't amazingly strong, or unfeeling. It wasn't like things didn't affect him. He had spent countless nights feeling completely lost.
Maybe all that distinguished him was that he survived.
---
Commendable. That was interesting word choice. She liked it. Apparently this cat was way smarter than she was. She had no idea what that word meant. Hopefully, something good. She liked being confused, especially when it was another cat confusing her. She purred and fluffed out her neckfur. "If I didn't like what I saw, I would've left. But when I saw what it was like I knew this was my life."
She paused and looked down. "I may not have gone back to my kittypet home. I may have become a loner or a rogue, I have no idea. I was a kitten seeking a better life. I didn't like being cooped up in doors. I wanted to live in the open and hunt my own food. I wanted to tough it out in the wilderness. Living with no walls or restraints was exactly what I was looking for." She looked down at the ground. For some reason, now she could not see herself as a rogue or a loner. She could when she was younger, but not now.
Her ears pricked. "Sob story, huh? Well, I'm a little too happy right now. I need to tone it down a bit." She purred and decided not to add that the sob stories are the most interesting. It may be offensive considered this was probably a sore subject for him. Maybe what she just said was a little too much. "I'd like to hear it, that is if you don't mind telling it."
---
"Again, impressive," he mewed, nodding his head. He truly was impressed. He'd always thought that Littleflower was just another she-cat who'd lived within the bounds of clan life since she'd been born. It was just now that he'd learned of her background, and that elevated her in his eyes. To choose a life in the wild was remarkable indeed, and especially for a house cat with family. The fact that she was attracted to living in the elements, that she spurned her comfortable walls that may have boxed her in but protected her from reality, and chose to endure hardship of the acutest kind was... incredible. He hadn't had a choice in the matter. Of course, had he had a choice, he would have chosen to live in the wild, but still. He saw Littleflower in a new light.
"My story doesn't have a very remarkable beginning. My parents were a couple of normal loners, very peaceful and kind. Didn't cause anybody any trouble. I had a brother named Briar and a sister named Snowy. Snowy and I stuck together a lot because Briar never wanted to play our games. We were a simple little family."
"My dad was really awesome, though, in the beginning. He would take me away and give me lessons on how to be a proper tom. He taught me about honor and chivalry, and strength. Bravery. That kind of stuff." He looked down, embarrassed, and scuffed his paws in the dirt. "You know, because when you're a little kit you want to be exactly like your mom or dad." A smile lit up his face with the warmth of the memories. It was almost like he was five moons old again, staring up into the face of his father, the privileged one. The chosen one, the one destined for greatness, the bravest of all the kits. For the first time in a while, he remembered what it had felt like.
"But then things got bad. My mom decided that she was going to get sick and die, which drove my dad mad. Literally. He did a complete flip. Where he had before been the picture of fatherly goodness, he turned into a monster. He would beat up on Snowy and Briar all the time, and when I tried to stop him, he would just make it worse for them. So eventually I just stopped trying to stand up for them. Snowy would come to me every time afterwards for comfort. I would have helped Briar, too, even though there was a disconnect between us, but I could never find him." He sighed, relieved that he'd revealed his one great flaw. He couldn't be there when he was needed- he backed down. So much for bravery.
"One day, Snowy and I went out hunting while Dad was asleep, and when we got back, he was dead. He'd gotten into a fight with somebody, because there was fur between his claws, but we didn't recognize it. It almost looked like my fur, but I sure as ticks wasn't the one who'd fought him. We couldn't find Briar either, waited for him to turn up for days and days. Snowy was worried about him, thought he'd been killed too, but I know he got away okay. That's a small consolation, I suppose, that he is probably safe and happy somewhere with a family of his own right now. He deserves it after all he endured for those who didn't give him a second thought, hardly. You know, he stood up for Snowy before I did, and that was why Dad beat him too. And while Mom was sick, he would come back with food and sometimes even plants he'd gotten from traveling healers to help." He shook his head, severely saddened by the weight of how he had treated his brother. And just because he was small. "He did more to help our family than I did."
"So Snowy and I eventually came across this group of... well, they said they were loners who had banded together for protection, but they were really just rogues. Snowy wanted to stick around with them, because they were big and strong, and she believed their story about being harmless loners. This part of the story gets kind of complicated, because the leader of the group fell in love with her and tried to take her away from me, but she didn't want him. We tried to leave, but we got caught the first time, and we were no longer members of the group, but prisoners."
"So somehow, we got into this fight, the group and us, with another group of marauding rogues. Something about territory or something, I don't even know. In any case, during the battle, Snowy was killed. After things had simmered down a little bit, I pleaded with the leader of the group to let me go. I wanted no part of their brutality. He agreed, on the memory of my beloved sister. It was what she would have wanted, he said, and he wanted to honor the memory of the only she-cat who had made him see stars on the ground. I remember his words very distinctly, you see, because it was at that moment that I realized he truly did love her, and he realized that I wasn't such a bad guy after all. He gave me directions away from the rogue lands, and told me if I ever needed anything, to look for him. That it, if he wasn't dead." A smirk played at his lips now, and he gave a dry chuckle at the memory. They might have been friends, had circumstances allowed. Unfortunately, the rogue had seen him as a threat, since Snowy loved him and couldn't stand the thought of parting from her brother. Ah well, c'est la vie.
"It was hard for me, after that, to even find the will to live. My entire life I'd had her by my side. I loved her more than anything, and now she was gone. I had nobody left to protect. That had been my sole purpose since my mother had died, you see, and I became nothing more than a ghost, if you believe in such things. I was a shell wandering the planet in search of something. And it was in this sorry state that I found the clans. It wasn't much, but it was a purpose, and there was honor. So I joined, and here I have been ever since."
He concluded his tale with a bit of an odd expression on his face and the most peculiar feeling in his chest. It was a collection of warmth in his throat, most acutely where his throat met his collarbone, and it seemed to be pulling him somewhere. Perhaps into the past. His eyes misted over a bit, and a sad sort of smile came across his face.
"You know, I've just remembered something from when Snowy and I were on our own. We saw a butterfly, you know, and I said that I wondered what it felt like to be a butterfly. To fly, but only to live for such a short amount of time, and to be so very beautiful. And I just... I remember the look on her face as she stared after that butterfly, and then she started to chase it. When I asked her what she was doing, she said she was going to catch a butterfly for me one day and ask it, so that I could know. Chasing butterflies... for me." His voice choked with emotion, lost in his reverie.
"She never did catch one." Only then did he remember that he was in the company of one of his clanmates, and he was most violently embarrassed. He hadn't meant to go into such emotional detail, not by a long shot. Now Littleflower was sure to think he was just a sap.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." and he trailed off, unsure of what to say, and unsure even of whether he should apologize for unloading all this emotional junk on some poor cat he'd just made his acquaintance.
---
Littleflower gazed up at him. Wow, he had gone through so much. She could tell her really loved his sister. She knew it pained him to think of her. She looked at the ground, feelings the waves of emotion coming from him. She felt bad that she had asked him to share this. She didn't mean to make him upset. She lifted her head when she heard his voice crack. She nuzzled him softly in comfort. "I'm so sorry, Firefang. That must've been horrible. I'm sorry I made you talk about it. And it's okay, I liked listening." Littleflower looked at the ground again and a bright idea popped into her head.
She jumped up. "I'll be right back, Firefang! Right back. Don't move, don't breathe, don't do anything! I'll be right back!" And with that she took off out of the camp. She looked around, sniffing for what she was looking for. Aha! She found it.
A couple minutes later, she returned to find Firefang in his original spot. She approached him and dropped a small, lifeless butterfly on his paws. She settled herself next to him again. "I know I'm not Snowy or anything, but consider this a token of friendship." She let out a small purr and lifted her mouth into a small, sympathetic smile.
---
Firefang's entire body shuddered as he tried in vain to get his emotions in check. The sorrow he currently felt was beyond anything most of his clanmates had ever suffered, he was certain. He could hardly form a single thought, it was so overpowering. Littleflower tried to apologize, but somebody would have had to hear his story eventually. It might as well be somebody who wouldn't judge him for it. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault. Nothing anybody can do to change it now anyway. And, yes, it was horrible."
Wow. Way to be blunt and lame. Now she was sure to think that you thought she had done something wrong. That was handled really nicely. But, of course, she had no reason to think that you were perfect, by any means. The story should have refuted that misconception quite nicely.
And now she was walking away. Just his luck. She told him to stay there, though, so he did. Maybe she meant to come back. As he watched her, he realized that she was actually looking for something. What was she doing? It was a curious thing to see her sniffing about the entire campsite, so intent on finding something. What, was she going to go all Crowpaw on him and bring him a flower? That would be amusing. It did make him feel better, though, that she was looking for something to cheer him up. At least, he thought that's what she was doing. He could certainly hope, couldn't he?
And now she was back, and something was in her mouth. Tiny, fragile wings, a small body, six legs... she'd brought him a butterfly. That was probably the most touching thing anybody had ever done for him. Snowy had done things almost like that frequently, but they had been raised together and were bound by blood. Littleflower... she was somebody he had just met. She didn't have to care about him, or want to make him feel better, but she did. It brought a smile to his face.
"Thank you, Littleflower. It's... it's very touching. I appreciate it very much. Thank you." A token of friendship? Well, token accepted.
He, Firefang, had a friend. For the first time in his life, he had a friend, and they weren't related to him. Wow. So, what did he do now?
"What did it say? When you caught it." He smiled now, not just in general, but at her[/b]. He knew that he could do that and it wouldn't be unwelcome. She actually cared. And she wanted to be his friend! It would seem that blessings were held in the raindrops today.
---
Littleflower purred it sounded like she had a friend. A friend! Someone other than her apprentice Silverpaw, or her brother. Someone who didn't hate her for being a former kittypet. She felt a purr start to rumble in her throat. She had touched him, she had actually made a cat smile. She felt something she had never felt before. It made her happy too. She had no idea what it was, maybe it was just gas. "Well, I'm glad I could be of service." She said with excitement flooding her voice.
She lifted her head. "What did it say? Hm..." She had to think about that one. "What did it say? Oh yes," She stood to act it out. "It said, 'Oh beautiful Littleflower please don't kill me! I am too young to die!'" She acted sheepish and scared. "Then I said, 'No, little butterfly, you must die for my friend. I shall kill you know!'" She pounced, batting the air at an imaginary butterfly. "Then as I caught it, it said, 'Oh no! Goodbye cruel world!'" She made little choking noises and dropped to the ground. She stood again, "It was a very talkative little bug." She placed herself next to Firefang yet again, hoping she wasn't too over the top with her improv.
---
Well. That was certainly unexpected. The unabashed goofiness with which Littleflower chose to reply was shocking, but not necessarily in a bad way. Certainly, he had expected a slightly more serious reply, but it would do him good to lighten up every once in a while. The world wasn't all seriousness. He just had to get used to being teased again, he supposed. When her little tirade began he scarcely knew how to react; how did one respond to being teased? But by the end he was grinning and laughing like nothing else. Oh, how he had missed that feeling. Happiness, that was what it was called. Joviality, mirth, joy, elation- all of these and more he felt. It was quite literally the most liberating thing he had experienced since coming to the clans.
"Sounds like it was quite talkative," he purred, still chuckling to himself at her silliness. Oh, what a great friend she already was! She had managed to drag him out of the pit of his self-reflection and had forced him to once more see the good in things, and all she'd done was talk to him for a few heartbeats. She made him smile. That was important to him. He had not smiled in so long that his face had forgotten the feeling of it, the pleasure that such a simple act produced. He ought to smile more often. It oughtn't be that he should be so grave and silent all the time. Maybe if he was brighter, he could make more friends! Not that he needed any, because he now had Littleflower and would be perfectly content to keep her friendship until she died. Right now, she was all he needed in a friend.
"Thank you for being willing to be my friend, Littleflower. I haven't had anybody hardly talk to me since Snowy died, so this is special beyond words." He hoped that the intensity of his gaze would help to convey the full weight of his words. She had shown him more kindness than any cat before in his life, except perhaps little Briar, for he had scorned his brother whereas Littleflower he had simply passed off as another unfeeling clanmate. A shy smile took hold of his previously serious face, for he was uncertain of the reception of his words. He hoped they would be taken well. All the signs pointed to it, but there was no foolproof method of telling how things would be received.
All he wanted right now was for Littleflower to like him.
[/size]
